25. February 2008 by BruceSmith.

As I have written about in my book Soul Storm (www.soulstormsite.com), my upbringing was one in which I learned the value of giving.  Despite growing up in a single parent home most of my life, I was surrounded by people whose love and generous spirit taught me a great deal.  My mother, while working non-stop, always found time to keep me signed up and plugged in to any and all sports I wanted to participate in.  And she was there cheering me on as I competed.  At Christmas time, she worked extra hours in order to provide an incredible Christmas for me and my sister.  Even her bonuses at work went to enrich the lives of her kids.  Beyond that, in her home, I always knew I was loved for just showing up.

My grandparents also demonstrated the grace of giving throughout my life.  My fondest memories as a child and teen come from the experiences lived out in my grandparents home.  My Mamaw and Papaw Findley were a continuous fountain of generosity to all of those around them and especially to me.  I remember holiday occasions when my Papaw would fill up a van with gift baskets and drive to another town in order to give out the baskets at a nursing home.  He pulled the whole thing off on his own dime.  On some Christmas holidays he would be standing at the door as people arrived (all Christmas celebrations took place in that home), and he would hand out $100 bills to everyone (and he was not a rich man).

My Mamaw had a seemingly endless source of the gift of giving.  All her life, even up to her death in 2005, was spent caring for others.  As I have written in Soul Storm, even on her death bed her concern was for the good of others around her.  I will never forget as her hours were seeping away, that she took me in her arms as she struggled to breath, and made me and my struggles the focus of her last few hours.  She encouraged me to “hang on” amidst my difficulties even as she was fading out.

I can also recall the influence of authentic Christian men and women in my life who impacted my life beyond measure.  I am still deeply impacted by those who took me into their care and just did life with me as I grew up without a father.  One family particularly, for years, took me skiing with them and paid my way.  Those years were of incalculable importance to me, and remain a benchmark of the giving spirit which drives me today.  I also recall my lifelong friend who has been there for me for each of the big moments and decisions in my life over the last 20 years.  His unwavering encouragement and selfless love have kept me on track during some very trying times.

The most recent tangible expression of the impact of givers in my life manifested itself this past weekend.  Impacted by those who loved me and gave to me beyond measure, I had the opportunity to be the giver this past weekend.  In order for you to understand the significance of the weekend, however, I must rewind the tape more than 20 years.

My Papaw, “Fin” as he was called by his customers, who was general manager of a major luxury car dealership for 30 years, brought me into that business as a child and teenager.  Working at the dealership and seeing all the luxury imports and classic cars was infectous for a teen.  Jaguars were my favorite, but I became a “car guy” in general.  It was in this atmosphere, as a teen without a father, and a mom struggling to provide, that my Papaw stepped up to the plate and hit the ball out of the park.  On my 16th birthday, to my amazement, he presented me with a fully restored, from the ground up, British Racing Green, convertible, two-seater, Triumph Spitfire sports car.  It was a moment I will never forget and one that has stuck with me in a profound way for more than 20 years now.  I have always dreamed of having the ability to give in a similar fashion to my own kids.

And so, this past weekend, my son, my oldest, and the first to drive, was given quite an exciting surprise for his first driver.  I had the sheer pleasure of gifting him with his dream car, a Mustang Coupe.  It is the one car he has always wanted, and the one I told him he would never get for his first car.  It was a thrill to put the whole thing together.  After hours of online “study” on Mustangs, weeks of searching and preparation, and after looking for the perfect color, package, wheels, racing stripes, chrome touches, …the day had come.  On Saturday, he got his first car.  The moment was priceless.  With hands over his face, and bewilderment in his eyes, and with a flushed face, …he freaked out.  As thrilling as it was for him, I am convinced it was more thrilling for me to be the giver.  I have often wondered how my grandfather must have felt when he blessed me as he did over 20 years ago, and now I know.  The saying is true, “It is better to give than to receive.”  I know this.

The point of all of this personal nostalgia today is simply this, you never know the full impact of your willingness to give to others.  There are moments in life where our giving to others defines who and what people will become.  God has called us to be a generous and loving people longing to bless others beyond measure.  As we extend the love of God and the riches of His grace to those around us, we can do so knowing that we are being used of God to prepare them for the future.  We are told that the love of God draws us to repentance.  His love, chiefly expressed in the giving of Jesus Christ, beckons all of us to give without measure or account.

In the days ahead of you this week, reflect on what has been given to you in Christ, and look for opportunities to give to others.  The art of giving is exemplified as we extend the gifts of grace, patience, generosity, forgiveness, healing, help, encouragement, time, money, effort, parenting, and selflessness.  You never lock eyes with another human being who does not matter to God.  As you go about your life this week, may every glance offered, every action taken, and every thought be for the good of others.  Rather than make every exchange about you and how you will benefit, find ways to give to others.  The life you were meant to live is experienced as you attempt to enhance the lives of others.
Grateful,

Bruce Smith

optimuslife.org

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

21. February 2008 by BruceSmith.

Too often, many of us fail to view God’s heart toward us as one of loving delight.  Indeed, as many sociologists who study the church can attest, what keeps most people from entering church houses today is a fear of condemnation.  One poll after another demonstrates that many leave the church and many more stay away from churches due to a misunderstanding regarding the nature of God’s bent toward us.

What the life of Jesus clearly revealed is that God is FOR us, and not against us.  If we are ever to escape the darkness (which I wrote about last time) of life, we must see God as He is and recognize His desire to see us delight in Him, even as He delights in us.

That is not to suggest that God’s standard for us is less than holiness, perfect moral purity.  Rather, it is to realize that God’s hope for us is the elimination of all that would hinder us from delighting in Him, and the removal of all that is in our lives which hinders His unbridled delight in us.  God does hate sin.  He hates sin chiefly because it is the anti-holiness which corrupts our hearts and wounds this world.  Holiness, being completely and wholly His in action and in essence is always the goal.  As fallen, broken, and sinful creatures, we miss the mark of holiness and thereby rob our lives of the beauty that could be ours.

The extent to which we lack moral purity determines the level of delight we experience in our souls.  Therefore, for us individually, and for the world collectively, our aim must be, and God’s aim always is, to minimize our resistance against holiness, and to hunger more for the kind of purity God desires to impart to us.  The fancy theological word for this process of becoming more “delightful” is sanctification.  God’s goal is to bring us to Himself, and to make us into a people of delight.

Jesus’ demonstrates this reality in His teaching in Luke 15.  In this chapter we see a God who is for broken humanity rather than a God ready to push the “nuke ‘em” button.  In fact, the context of this teaching is telling.  Jesus is speaking to a group of friends (sinners and tax collectors) only indirectly, as He is aware that the religious leaders are there watching.  The leaders are mumbling to themselves, “This guy is hanging out with the lowest of the low…the chief of sinners…some spiritual guru he is!”

And so Jesus loads up, and lofts a deadly blow.  Only in this case the blow is to the “goody goodies” and followers of the moral law who are always looking to put sinners in their place and blow the whistle on all moral failures.  As was customary when a speaker, teacher, or rabbi wanted to get a point across during that time, Jesus serves up His teaching in a three-fold manner.  In that culture, teaching in 3s was akin to texting in all caps, or yelling at the top of one’s lungs to get a listener’s attention.  In essence He is saying, “If you don’t get anything else I have to say, people, GET THIS!”

And so, as you read chapter 15 of Luke what you see is Jesus’ heart, God’s heart, toward less than delightful people, revealed.  In stark contrast to the posture of the religious leaders of the day, Jesus suggests that God is on an all out search for those who are “lost”, that is, separated from an engaging and life-defining relationship with God.

Jesus tells three stories about “lost things”.  These stories are called parables.  Parables convey a deeper truth.  Jesus speaks of the lost coin, the lost sheep, and the lost son.  In each story something of enormous value is missing/lost.  And in each story there is an all out search, hunger, and thirst for that which is lost.  And in each story ridiculous joy is expressed when the lost thing is found.

What Jesus is saying is quite clear.  He hates that which separates His children from Himself, but He hungers, thirsts, and searches for those who have drifted from His love.  He is not looking for a moment to jump out from the bushes to ambush and destroy those that have ventured off the path.  Rather, His eyes roam the landscape, search the highways, and look into the windows of darkened rooms, …looking for those that might just come back home.  He longs to remove the darkness which keeps them away, and longs for His children to find delight in Himself again.  He delights in His creations.

If you have found yourself lost.  If your heart is missing.  If your love for God has run dry.  If you wonder what His thoughts about you are.  If you have found yourself, along with the lost son, living amongst the slop of life…He delights in you even as He hates and weeps over what you have done to yourself.  He is looking over the horizon, longing to see you moving back in His direction.  If you will but turn, He will run to you in delight and offer you the Kingdom.

Read Luke 15 today.  Share it with someone who needs the delightful and abounding love of a God, a God who still searches the world over for those whom He is calling to Himself.

Delighted to know Him,

Bruce Smith

optimuslife.org

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

18. February 2008 by BruceSmith.

In his book, Laughter in the Dark, Vladimir Nabokov brings to life a detailed portrait of a life gotten off track.  Really, one need only read the opening two sentences which set the stage for the unfolding of a tale too commonly seen throughout history.  Such a story was seen in the garden, in Shakespear’s Hamlet, in Hollywood today, and in the lives of too many around us every day.

Laughter in the Dark begins with these tragically pregnant words,

Once upon a time there lived in Berlin, Germany, a man called Albinus.  He was rich, respectable, happy; one day he abandoned his wife for the sake of a youthful mistress; he loved; was not loved; and his life ended in disaster.

We all know the rest of the story.  That one decision, which in reality was a decision to make many bad decisions, led to, and always leads to the demise of an otherwise decent life.  Adam and Eve, allured by the potential (a false potential, a lie) to become/experience something more than they were allowed, gave up everything.  In return, they enjoyed the pleasures of guilt, shame, deceit, and separation from God and one another (emotionally, spiritually, and otherwise).

Such is life beyond the boundaries of God’s agenda.  Life was meant to experienced as the Giver of Life has intended.  When we get it in our heads that we have a better idea tragedy befalls us.  The records of divorce courts around the globe testify to this.  The counseling records of therapists confirm this reality.  And the emotional, psychological, and physical pain of countless human beings tells the truth of this tale as well.  Separation from God’s best for us leads us to a tailspin misery, myth, and mediocrity.

What was true for Albinus is true for you and I; we find ourselves only when we find ourselves in Him.  What St. Augustine suggested centuries ago remains true today, “Our hearts shall have no rest until we find our rest in Thee.”

We aspire to and crave many things; sexual thrill, chemically induced “highs”, physical beauty, success, prestige, power, control, respect, knowledge, degrees, fame, … never realizing that behind all of it is a desire to know and be known in the most intimate of ways.  This “knowing and being known” which we desire at our most basic level, was put there by our Creator in order that we might be drawn to Him.  In finding ourselves in Him we are given the resources needed to lead the kind of life God promises us.

We will never attain the kind of life we crave so long as we seek to find it in created things.  The beauty around us, in the landscape and in human form, are there to bless and thrill us, but fundamentally to point us to a Creator.  The majestic view of a mountain, and the captivating curves of a woman’s physique (or a man’s if you are a woman), are to be enjoyed, but ultimately, they are to remind us of the One behind all the beauty we see in all its diversity.  When we worship the mountain, or misuse the body, however, we twist the intention and obscure the real blessing.

The food we enjoy, and the artisans who are able to create culinary masterpieces for our enjoyment are to be appreciated.  Yet, when the food becomes our God and our focus, and begins to consume us, we lose sight of the Creator and make an idol of the created.  Gluttony, like all other sin patterns, amounts to a misplaced affection upon something which was intended to bless us.  In our cursed pursuit of our misplaced appetites, we lose the blessing and are taken captive by what should have been a hint of God’s grace to us.  This is the nature of addictions to sex, wine, power, money, and a host of other entrapments.  Many if not most addictive patterns are a result of our pursuing, beyond reason or intention, that which God offers to us in His measure and for our good.  As has been said before of marriage and monogamy, “The problem is not that God has given us one woman to love, …had he given us one hundred we would have wanted one hundred and one.”  This issue is what lurks in our heart–the desire for MORE.  Like Adam and Eve, we want to define our lives.

Find your place in the heart of God, find your rest in Him, enjoy the world around you according to His plan, and live the life God offers you.  As Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life…”  There is no other pursuit which will quench the longings of your soul.  God, and God alone is “more than enough”.

Bruce Smith

optimuslife.org

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

15. February 2008 by BruceSmith.

C.S. Lewis, who initially came to the love of God kicking and screaming according to his own testimony, and who endured the loss of his beloved, wrote the following,

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

Here, on the day after Valentines, as you venture into what for many will be a “love weekend”, how’s your love quotient?

The scriptures tell us that it is “the love of God which draws us to repentance”.  It is also the love of God expressed through us and others which draws the best out of us.  My encouragement to you today, amidst your joy, accomplishments, despair, and defeats from the past week, is to focus your heart toward the love.  For the next three days, at soccer fields, at coffee houses, movie houses, houses of worship, highways, byways, skyways, and in all ways…show the love.  If you keep your heart to yourself this weekend, the world will be deprived of the very thing God intends for it to experience more than anything else.

Open your heart, unshackle your love, and give yourself away.  Give yourself in soup houses to the homeless.  Give your heart to the grieving.  Open your soul to the depressed.  Extend your touch to the dying.  And fill your arms with those in need of the assurance of love and acceptance.  Nothing heals like the love of God–share it.

In doing so, you very well may experience what one supporter of Optimus experienced this week.  A businessman, successful, good-looking, and vibrant by any standard…this Optimus supporter shared with me, yesterday, how he was invited to speak in a local school to teenagers about the sanctity of life and the nature of loving relationships.  As he shared how these teens responded, male and female, to his vulnerable sharing of his own failures and redemption, it was clear that the hour or two of loving those teenagers was worth more than any amount of money he made this past week.  His face was aglow as he told me how “they just got it”.  His sense was that a few, perhaps more, will be saved painful mistakes, and will find the true meaning and source of true love.  It just does not get any better than that.

Its all about the love.

Love,

Bruce Smith

optimuslife.org

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

14. February 2008 by BruceSmith.

If you have read your paper or watched the news or listened to people talk around the water cooler at work recently, you know we live in a world that could use a little more love.  Moms and Dads leaving families, kids killing kids, people too spent to continue taking their own lives, politicians scamming their constituencies, celebs going off the deep end, domestic violence tearing lives apart, …  Where is the love?

“Today shall be a day for love.” so wrote Shakespeare.   The call for us as people is to heed that bit of prose each and every day, yea verily, each and every moment.  The “yea verily” was my little attempt at Shakespearian prose.  Only in living for the love and abiding in the love are we able to live the kind of life we were meant to live.

Jesus was asked, “What is the greatest commandment?”  to which He replied, “The greatest is to love the Lord your God with all your heart…, and to love your neighbor as yourself.”  Have you ever considered what would the world be like if we actually did this?  What would families look like if every member of the troop lived according to that ethic?  How would our schools, businesses, playgrounds, and communities be affected by such a noble truth?  Is this pursuit possible, realistic, doable?

On this day of love, we would be well served to ponder the call of Christ to love as He has called us to love.  This kind of love is the cure for the heart and the hope of humankind.  This kind of love bring healing in place of anger, honesty in place of lies, fidelity in place of wandering, sobriety in place of addiction, poise in place of irrational behavior, stability in place of depression, security in place of fear, and goodness in place of darkness.  Anybody want that?  If so, we must practice (live by) the biblical brand of love.

I leave us with the biblical description of God’s kind of love as found in 1 Corinthians 13, known as The Love Chapter.  In between Barry White, Barry Manilow, and all the other syrupie sweet love songs you will listen to today, give this chapter a close look.  Here is what it says about the kind of love that sets us up for the life God intended for us to lead,

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.  …and now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.  (verses 4-8, 13)

And the greatest love verse ever written, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, in order that whoever believes (embraces Him and lives according to His teachings) in Him might have everlasting life (life to the full here and in eternity). Jn 3:16

Happy Love Day!!

Bruce Smith

optimuslife.org

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

13. February 2008 by BruceSmith.

The Dream Church

The dream of being what the church ought to be can be and is called by God to be—that’s the dream of the real Church.  We dream of being effective in our efforts, through the Holy Spirit, to bring people who have not as yet realized the magnificence of life in Christ, to faith.  Our dream is to turn irreligious people into fully devoted followers of Christ.  We dream of being the Church in the world, Christians used by God to bring transformation to a culture that needs transforming as much as any other.  We dream of being authentic in our attempt to walk out our faith.  We want to go beyond the “church game” and step out in our dream to really live life truthfully before and in relationship with others.  We dream of addressing the “big questions” of thinking minds with the answers that the God of the Bible provides.  We dream of equipping believers with the foundations and tools necessary to go into the world with the compelling deep truths of scripture.  We dream of providing a setting at church in which people might be comfortable, unthreatened and eager to come and hear a creative and inspiring message about life in the real world.  We dream of building families, restoring relationships, aiding people in their fights against addiction, enabling people to use their creative gifts for the growth of the Kingdom of God, and inspiring people to dream big as they wonder what God might do in and through them.  We dream of demonstrating what it means to know God and enjoy Him forever. 

 Big dreams?  Yes!  But such are the dreams of God’s people throughout history.  God is all about instilling dreams within His people, providing them with the means necessary to fulfill those dreams, and then unfolding the dreams before them.  It happened with Abraham, Moses, Noah, Joseph, David, Isaiah, Paul, and many others.  It still happens today. 

 What dreams has God birthed in you in your lifetime?  Which ones still beat in your heart today when you take an honest inventory of your life and you sit before God in stillness and just wonder?  Why have you not begun to pursue those dreams?  What is stopping you?  If you have begun to pursue those God given dreams, what resources do you need to bring the dreams to fruition?  What steps can you begin to take today, whether big or small, that would help you on your way to the accomplishment of the dreams?  These are important questions.  The answers could have enormous implications for your life. 

 If you saw the movie Braveheart you may recall the line uttered with great passion as Mel Gibson said, “All men die, but few ever really live”.  Are you living a life worth dying for?  Do you feel alive today?  If your life were to end in the next few hours could you leave this world knowing that you pursued life with a hunger for God’s big purposes?  Many in our culture today have “lived it up”.  But are they living the dream life?  Could they say with Stephen as he was being stoned to death (quite unlike most of the stoning going on in our culture), “Lord, Jesus receive my spirit…do not hold this sin against them”.  Stephen died living for the dream of spreading the good news no matter the cost.  While he died in his efforts, the church was spurred on, and ultimately, the man who looked on the stoning with glee, Saul, eventually came to see the truth of Stephen’s message, was converted, was re-named Paul, and went on to be the driving force for the New Testament church.  What is God calling you to lay it all down for?  What dream must you pursue?  What dream, if left undone in this life, would cause you to question it all?  What dream if pursued would settle it all?   

 These are big questions.  Ask these questions this week.  Take an hour or take a few hours this week to ponder these things.  Ask God to show you the dream life He desires for you.  It may make all the difference.

 
Bruce Smith

Optimuslife.org

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

11. February 2008 by BruceSmith.

G.K. Chesterton, in his book Orthodoxy, has written brilliantly about the importance and the life-fulfilling vigor of right thinking, right belief, and right living.  On the critical importance of orthodox belief (biblical belief), he has written, “This is the thrilling romance of orthodoxy.  People have fallen into a foolish habit of speaking of orthodoxy as something heavy, humdrum, and safe.  There was never anything so perilous or so exciting as orthodoxy.  It was (and is) sanity: and to be sane is more dramatic than to be mad.”

In a world where we hand out Grammys to lyricists and singers who write and sing about the madness and folly of drug abuse, sex without boundaries, violence, and rebellion as if they were the ticket to abundant life, we need the corrective of Chesterton.  Is it any wonder that the lives of celebrities such as Brittney, Ledger, and Winehouse are replete with depression, addiction, and chaos despite the no holds barred approach to pleasure?  The thirst, lust, and pursuit of pleasure without moral boundaries always leaves the soul wrecked and empty.

With today’s blog I would like to encourage you to consider the possibility that a life worth living is not to be found amidst the tabloid lifestyle.  Everyone I have ever known who tried life that way fell with a violent crash eventually.  Consider the words of Chesterton, and more importantly, the words of Jesus who said, “I have come that you might have life and life to the full.”  The life we are all looking for is found in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), and as revealed in the life and teachings of Jesus.

Consider that His life, lived out some 2,000 years ago, remains the central event in all of history.  Our calendar still finds its basis there.  In that one life, that one Man, that One…all of life comes together.  If you are looking for something that will quench your thirst within, something that will finally be “enough”, give Jesus a chance.  Turn to the pages of the Bible, and read, and marvel at the life, teaching, and life giving force of The Man.

Hoping and praying you find a new song,

Bruce Smith

optimuslife.org

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

7. February 2008 by BruceSmith.

In the last couple of days, the world has witnessed more incredible images of disaster and devastation.  Even as one who lived through the nightmare of Hurricane Katrina, I am still amazed each time I see such images roll across the television screens.  As has been pointed out by news-makers and talking heads over the last couple of days, those folks at Union College (many of whom are in Biblical Studies programs) must be asking, “What is going on here?”

As one who would rather avoid as much disaster and difficulty as possible, and as one who also lives in a real world, witnessing real problems daily, I offer the thoughts below.  In times like these, we do well to consider the perspective of Biblical history, and the Providence of God.  I hope you find hope and help for all of your challenges as you read.

The Providence of God

There are many grand themes throughout scripture.  One of the most grand, as it pertains to the purposes of God for His people and for His world, is that of the providence of God.  That God is intimately working in the affairs of His people is one of the most substantive realities we can look to in times of great tribulation.  Without the deep-rooted knowledge that God cares for us, we are too easily tossed about by the sea of life.  With this assurance of God’s perfect plan for us even the darkest of days can be endured with faith and hope.

Through the pages of scripture we are told of God’s favor for His people.  The promises of God are many.  The blessings of God are innumerable.  His goodness is abounding and His love forevermore.  We long to hear of such things and we love to be reminded of all God offers to those who are found in Him.  But we must ask ourselves how firm we stand when we are called to trust His heart toward us when His hand seems distant.  When we find ourselves in the desert of life do we listen to the temptations of Satan or do we, like the Christ we serve, with patience and endurance, fight the good fight rejecting the devils offer for a cheap way out?  Are we constant in our devotion amidst persecution, mistreatment, rejection, malice, and threats of all sorts?  When we are misunderstood, or worse, misrepresented, do we have quiet faithful resolve for the purposes of God?

 These are all important questions and ones which really get at the heart of our true intentions.  It has often been suggested that one can only see the real person when hard times come.  Hard times, we are told, separate the “men from the boys”, the “wheat from the chaff”, and the good from the bad.  The bible tells us that life’s difficulties are what God uses to “refine” us just as precious metals are refined by the testing of fire.

Hebrews chapter 11 tells us of the “faithful” servants of God who trusted, fought, and endured for the purposes of God having never received the “promise” on this side of heaven.  The life of one of history’s greatest writers, John Milton (who wrote in the 17^th Century), demonstrates to us that “they also serve who only stand and wait”.  The life of Joseph reminds us that even the evil intent of those around us cannot thwart the purposes of God for a life devoted to Him.  Joseph’s brothers devised a plan to put him to death.  In God’s providence the plan was altered and they sold him into slavery.  By “chance” those who originally purchased him sold him into the hands and household of the master of Egypt.  Through God’s orchestration Joseph found favor in the household and was elevated to a place of high esteem.  Once there the master’s wife attempted to seduce him and upon his refusal to give in and thereby offend His God, she lied and had him defamed and thrown into prison.  But God was not done.  Through it all God brought him back to a place of prominence and one telling verse screams of the divine ability of God to turn the worst of life’s messes into God’s grace filled plan; the verse reads, “…and all the earth came to Joseph”.

Where has your life gone “right” and where has your life gone “wrong”?  Whether you have seen victory after victory or defeat upon defeat, hold steady in the arms of God and trust that He is up to something.  If you place yourself in His hands, and like Job wrestle through the tough questions long enough to see that no one knows better than God, then you will know the providence of God. 

Remember, throughout biblical history, it seems that those who walked with God in the most intimate of ways endured much hardship.  Do you want to know the providential hand of God?  His favor is assured and His blessings are many and we ought to praise Him for each one.  He longs to give good gifts to His sons and daughters.  Let us also be mindful, however, that sometimes the “best” of His plans are drawn up on the blueprint of suffering.  Jeremiah was the “weeping prophet”; Hosea was called to marry a prostitute; Isaiah was undone and lived among an unclean rebellious people; Paul was imprisoned and beaten and shipwrecked and left for dead numerous times; Daniel was thrown into a den of lions; John the baptizer wore a really irritating hair-shirt and ate some obnoxiously noisy bugs; and Jesus, who cried out to the Father, “Why have you forsaken me?” was the suffering servant.

His favor is with us and His plans are for our good and the good of His world.  His providence is assured and He is to be rejoiced in.  Romans 8 is our promise, “…who shall separate us from the love of God?  Shall trouble, hardship, famine, nakedness, peril or sword?…no, no, no, no, no, a thousand times “NO!”…in (that little word in the original language is important as it literally means “through, as a result of”) all these things we are more (abundantly more the language suggests) than conquerors.”  And the big ending, “through Him who loved us”.  And lest we forget, nestled in that amazing passage is the reminder that Jesus Christ, “who died and more than that was raised to life” IS INTERCEDING FOR US.  That blows me away.  Jesus, is interceding for me before my God in the heavens.  Oh, that we would remember that more!  How ridiculous is the love of God!

Bruce Smith

Optimuslife.org

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

1. February 2008 by BruceSmith.

Dear Bruce,

Four months ago I realized the guy I had been dating for a couple of months went on a date with someone else and I was totally blind sided…I guess I was ignorant of the guys expectations. So I told him I couldn’t be more than friends with him so long as he was dating other people and his response was although he liked me he didn’t want a girlfriend. Afterward, he never called me again and I avoided him in every way possible. I feel like I was very impulsive in my words and actions with him and afterwards I quit going to a class we were both enrolled in.  So, any hope for a friendship was killed as my actions told him I wasn’t interested. Part of me wishes I could undo the clock and have been more patient and understanding of him but I was so fearful he wouldn’t want me. I am SO stuck right now, because looking back I have lost quite a few guys because I was so fearful they wouldn’t want me that I avoided them. I don’t even know how (or even if I can) make things right with this man and secondly, I don’t even know how to not feel like running every time I like I guy. I am so fearful they won’t like me I avoid them all together. I find it difficult to talk to a guy or take the initiative to even say HI. I really would like wisdom on this.

Kris

Kris,

A common story I am afraid, from both sides of the equation.  Let me try to tackle each issue one at a time and see if you might find some perspective and help with this one.

First, you suggest that you were “dating” this guy for a couple of months.  That is not a long time, and I am not sure either of you should have been putting huge, exclusive expectations on the deal at that point.  In reality, you were still very early on in spending time together and really getting to know one another.  I wonder if your idea of the “dating” relationship was the same as his.  I suspect, from his decision/desire for no more than a friendship later on, that his idea was a bit more loose than yours in terms of relational expectations.  Let’s break this down a bit.

I am persuaded that folks ought to take time to get to know a number of people, over time, and in various settings before they succumb to the urge to exclusively “date” one person.  I realize some people have a different view on this matter, but it just seems to make good sense to me.  Thinking, secure, and emotionally mature people can find many people interesting, and can spend time getting to know a few people well, and over time become compelled that one particular person draws them more than others.  I believe that a healthy “dating” relationship develops as two people naturally move through a relational journey along the same time frame, emotional wavelength, and make all expectations known along the way.

In my view, sometime, over the course of those two months of spending time with each other, one or the other, preferably both, should have been open and willing to just openly discuss views on dating and specifically your relationship.  If from the beginning both know where the other stands in terms of relational beliefs and patterns then it is easier to decide early on whether or not you even are compatible from a relationship understanding level.  Then if things develop over time they do so naturally and without as much stress from unspoken and unrealized expectations.

I don’t know, because I don’t have the details, but as a caveat, let me address another issue here.  If either of you were giving the other false impressions about the relationship then that is another matter.  Often, a guy or a gal can “date” another person for a period of time, and then suggest at some point, “This has always been a friendship and nothing more”.  I have found this too common in the Christian “dating” community.  Some like to keep many “friends” around all the while leaving said “friends” with the unspoken idea that more is actually taking place.  This seems to allow some people with less than mature relational patterns to hide reality from themselves and ease their sense of relational guilt.  If your guy was operation on that level then its a different issue.  You will have to be the honest judge of that.  If so, you don’t need that.  Openness and clarity are essential and Christian.  Stay away from people who prefer to keep it fuzzy…trouble down the line.

Now, back to what we do know.

My opinion would be that if the guy was likable enough for you to consider him a “date-worthy” person, then he is probably someone you could have had a friendship with.  I think, realistically speaking, not all dating situations provide a reasonable framework for intimate friendship once a formal dating relationship ends, but some can and do work as friendships even if romance does not work out.  Perhaps, you should just call the guy, or send him a note/email, apologizing for over-expecting, and let him know you consider him a great guy and would appreciate his friendship if he desires to have one.  Then, have no expectations on that, and just see what happens.  Don’t sit around waiting and wondering either.  And don’t spend months wondering, “What if…?”  If anything truly lasting existed then the situation you described would not totally kill it.

Another issue which you bring up is one I hear often.  I think you need to work on developing a stronger sense of your security and comfort in your own skin.  No need to fear who will want you and who will not.  Know who you are in Christ, walk in accordance with who He has called you to be, and just relax.  We are not going to be liked, loved, or romantically pursued by all who interact with us.  No  matter how attractive one is, how wealthy one is, how successful one is, how …not everyone will be a good fit or be attracted to us romantically.  So, approach each perspective relationship as an attempt to get to know another of God’s unique creations, and just be content to see where it goes.  Sometimes, our lives are enriched by just getting to know another type of person.  Sometimes, the “practice” of doing life with another in any capacity gives us tools for future interaction.  I had to hit a million tennis balls on the practice court as a junior player before it ever really paid off in tournaments or in college play.  I enjoyed hitting each one, and learned from each successful stroke and each broken stroke.  Enjoy the process.

I have met people who never got over a long lost love from years ago.  They were so hungry and desirous of that lost love that they just cannot fathom moving on with life. And now, it affects every other relationship they are in. GET OVER IT!  We cannot possibly figure it all out.  Some relationships, lost, would have turned out to be terrible for us though we cannot see it with our dim view of reality.  If we claim to trust God’s will for us, then we must accept the possibility that not every situation we think is the best for us actually is.  God knows better than us.

You ought to continue to pursue interaction with others, meet, engage, take initiative, and see where it goes.  Hint (guys don’t mind a woman who is comfortable enough in her own skin to make a move).  By the way…guys are not always confident enough and secure enough themselves to always be bold enough to engage someone they are attracted to…sometimes we too need a little help.  We all deal with the fear of rejection thing, but we can all work at getting over it, and taking God enabled risks as we grow in our security in Him.  Then the bad thoughts (she’s too …he’s too… what if she says…what if he says…) get less frequent and we ask more people for their time and we experience more depth in relationships and life.

Enjoy who God has made you to be, trust that you have time to allow His plans to unfold, and have fun with it.  Don’t go into every male/female interaction asking, “Is this the one?”  That is way too much pressure for everyone.  Finding someone interesting enough to get to know is just fine initially.  Let it grow naturally from there or die naturally.  Do it all gracefully.

Just by way of guy tips…like women, guys appreciate women who are comfortable in their own skin (not caught up in themselves though, and not fatally flawed by all kinds of emotional/psychological baggage),  poised, interactive, free from obvious fear of rejection (as if they will be devastated if the gig does not work out), emotionally mature, relationally mature, non-demanding in an all or nothing sense too early, and hungry and able to live life to the full with or without the current guy in her life.  In my view, all of these traits are developed as we find ourselves in Christ, and have our relationship with God as THE source of our inner security.  No earthly relationship will ever fill the void that only God can fill.

Get out there and enjoy meeting new people!

Bruce Smith

optimuslife.org

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »