Dear Bruce

Readers,

This weeks Dear Bruce letter comes a day early.  I believe this is a story that deserves AT LEAST a couple days of reflection.  As the writer suggests, its a modern day No Quit, God has your back, Lion-Hearted faith story.  I need not even reply to this one, as the story says it all.  Enjoy the read.

Dear Bruce,

I am not sure how much of my story you will want to post, but I think it relates to your writings this week in a real life, real time, practical way.  I am a single guy, have been for a few years after a painful divorce.  My divorce was unavoidable, and I have dedicated myself to doing all relationships  since my divorce God’s way.  That is not always easy.  As you know we live in a culture where “anything goes” is the most common approach to relationships.  As long as two consenting adults are in the mix, then there are no boundaries.  I have never thought that way, and have approached relationships much differently.

There is the “problem”!  At my age, post 30s, it seems there are very few females out there who approach, have approached life in a similar way to how I approach it.  The vast majority of women it seems have either been in  many improper relationships (whether married, divorced, or not) or have a current view of relationships that just does not jive with God’s view or relationships.  For a guy my age, with a commitment to doing relationships God’s way, the field is pretty narrow.  It can get hard to wait some days, especially when opportunity arises.

I guess that background sort of sets the stage for the rest of the story I wanted to write about.  A few months ago I was introduced to a really neat, and very attractive woman.  She was by any standard of beauty, a knock-out, she was a devoted Christian, a good mom, had a great personality, and was all in all, a good “catch”.  When we were introduced I was under the impression that she had been through a difficult marriage, and had gone through a divorce.  Reality was pretty close, but not so neat and tidy.  As it turned out a divorce had been filed, both parties had agreed, and they were just waiting for the thing to become official. Through many unexpected hang ups in the court the divorce was delayed to the frustration of both she and her “ex”.   Some would say, “No big deal, its virtually a done deal” others would say, as I would, “Nothing can be allowed to develop romantically until and unless the thing is final.”

Now, for a guy, who finds a woman quite attractive, and knowing that if things were a bit different I would pursue her, this is no easy situation.  But, I had this quiet sense that God was in the mix somehow, and I tried to listen to what I thought was His voice telling me, “Be a good friend.”  Not knowing if that was His call to be a friend and only a friend, if that was for a time, and then…, or if I was my distorted desires to want to stay close to something I should not be close to, I wrestled with this, but came to a point where I sensed, and was at peace with being a friend and nothing else if that is what God intended.

So,  as I got to know this gal a bit more, and as I learned more of the details of her past and her marriage, I began to think to myself that God was up to something in her life and was somehow wanting me to play some role.  I still did not know if that meant friendship or eventually something else, but my gut told me it was probably the former.  Again, not an easy thing to embrace for a guy who is interested in meeting an  attractive, God-loving, smart, and  personable woman  to do life with.

Now here is the kicker.  It seemed that the marriage was a complete done deal for her and her would be “ex”.  It seemed clear that both had, long ago, “moved out and moved on” with regard to the marriage.  Trouble is, I knew they were childhood sweethearts, were involved in church, had a great little kid, and had many around them that were heart broken the marriage was ending.  I kept getting the sense that, maybe, just maybe, God was going to win an unexpected battle on the field of life with this one.  About the time I felt pretty good about that diagnosis I got the word that she and her all but technical “ex” were on there way to have the papers officially executed by the judge.  Game over, right?  NOT SO QUICK.

Because the two of them had moved, there seemed to have been some difficulty in the courts on deciding which state had the “right” to the divorce.  In actuality, this is the very thing which held the divorce up for a much longer than expected time frame.  In retrospect, a truly divine delay.  So, as it turned out, the  “ex” and my friend had to make a road trip, together, over a period of a few days, in order to get to the state which had jurisdiction, and to attend the formal divorce meetings to close the deal.  I got wind of this as they were about to leave for the trip, and the over-riding impression was, perhaps, in the near future, more than a friendship could develop.  BUT GOD.

Here is the part which I think really relates to your writings this week.  Sadly, for too many people I know, few would have even considered holding off romance in a situation like this, male or female.  Further, I think that most, knowing the marriage was about to end, formally, would have been jumping for joy over the soon to come blossoming relationship.  But somehow, things were so much different for me and my friend.  Without a doubt, my friend had given up on her marriage.  In her eyes she had actually moved on emotionally long ago.  After years of perceived insurmountable struggle and neglect, she had thrown in the towel.  She had fought that battle long enough.  Apparently the husband had felt the same way.

It is crazy how God does the unexpected and improbable!  You have been writing this week about a “No Quit” faith, and God working against all odds, and God fighting for us and wanting us to win the day.  Well, I must tell you.  At a point in my life that I needed to see that happen in real life and in real time and in a real situation, I watched God do it!  Just like you said, “When the last tick has run off the clock, and it looks like the game is over…BUT GOD”.

Just like Lazarus, who you wrote about earlier in the week, my friend’s marriage came back from the dead just when both parties were beginning to rejoice it was finally and technically over.  As I was told by my friend that they were on their way to get the thing done once and for all, I strangely felt compelled (that’s the term that best describes my feeling) to pray for them that God would, in the last moment, intervene and even as they were going to sit before the judge and sign the papers, watch a resurrection of the marriage.  The were traveling for three or four days, and I prayed every single day that God would stop them in their tracks and work an amazing last minute, back from the brink, miracle.  I didn’t know how or why I was praying that way, but I knew I had no choice.  And, rather than be sad or upset or discouraged that “my chance” might be done in by such an answered request, I was absolutely at peace and really hoping that God might do this.

So, here is how the story ends, or begins, or re-begins!  Once my friend got back to her town after the “divorce trip” she called me to let me know how it went.  When I answered the phone I said, “So, …how did it go?”  Her response was, “Well…, it went well, but I’m not so sure it went as you or I expected.”  I began to grin.  I said, “Really, what happened?”  Then she went on to tell me that God, as she sat there in the final divorce proceedings, and as she and her husband looked at each other and considered the years of pain, neglect, and hopelessness, it was as if God spoke to both of them and they looked at each other and said, “We can’t do this.”  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!  As they considered their child, their history, and the strength available in turning things over to the Lion Hearted God they serve…they decided to pick up their stuff, and they walked out of the courthouse determined to put the marriage back together again!  WOW.

My friend went on to tell me, through tears, that many of my communications with her, emails, texts, phone calls, etc. were the very things God used (amongst other things) to bring her to that place at that time.  And she made reference to some reading materials I had sent her just prior to the trip playing a big role. Looking back, anyone with any knowledge of the situation would have to say that the unexpected and prolonged “delays” in the court system, were planted there by God in order for Him to work out His strategy of grace!

The battle is God’s, and I just wanted to encourage your readers to consider Him in all things, and to never give up the fight for the right thing.  It is never too late to pursue God, and He is able to raise people and relationships from the dead.  The entire thing has taught me, again, the value of remaining committed to His purposes for my life.  As for me, I could not be more thrilled by the outcome.  No romance could ever replace, for me, the value of knowing what it means to be walking through the battle of life following the lead of this Warrior King who still fights for us.  And I cannot help but think, one day, according to His unfathomable plan, He will work His relational strategy for me.  That is the only plan I want.

Thanks for calling us to stay in the game!

Ian

This entry was posted on 22. May 2008 at 09:05 and is filed under Dear Bruce. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.