What if God is difficult?

13. June 2008 by BruceSmith.

Recently I had the opportunity to watch a film entitled “Then She Found Me”. Those of you who read my blogs and other writings regularly know that I view a good many films. The reasons I do so are many, but I will explain a couple of the more significant reasons. First, I am called to write, speak, and teach others on what it means to live a meaningful, God-focused life. To be able to do that effectively, in my view, one must know “where” others are at. If you are going to lead someone to a desired destination (an awareness of life to the full in my case), you must begin where they are. So, in an attempt to stay aware in terms of where our culture is I watch films which give a good glimpse into that reality.

Second, I believe the arts speak to us on levels which are profound. Music, movies, poetry, painting, sculpture, dance, and many other arts can reach places in the soul that are unreachable otherwise. Therefore, I am fascinated with the God-given gift of the arts.

Third, I believe gifted artists, even those who are not convinced of the Gospel at this point, have yet, as we all do, a spark of God’s intention within them. While we are all far from God’s standard of goodness, are naturally bent toward sinful living, and are without hope while not in Christ, all individuals were created “in His image” and therefore retain a glimpse of the wonder, splendor, and majesty of God’s craftsmanship. We are, indeed, fearfully and wonderfully made. This is important because, by God’s design, all humans, I would suggest, wrestle with the God implanted questions regarding the big issues in life. Why am I here? How do I make sense of my life? What does all of this mean? These and many other questions are asked in the form of the arts by gifted people. On various occasions, even amidst the confusion and mis-guided moral sales pitches which so often come from Hollywood, something profound is offered or hinted at in film. Sometimes the big questions which are there for our culture arise through the art of cinematic theater.

When those questions are presented in vivid and meaningful ways, I believe they are great platforms for launching into spiritual discussions which matter. That brings me to title of today’s blog, “What if God is difficult?”

In the movie, Then She Found Me, this question is offered at a critical life moment. Helen Hunt, a woman who has recently seen her marriage crushed by an affair and her husbands flight for something else, and a woman who has craved the ability to give birth despite years of trying without success, eventually comes to a place of questioning her faith in a good God. In the aftermath of losing the child growing in her womb, watching her marriage dissolve, and amidst further relational turmoil, Helen, once a devout Jew, comes to a place of numbness and hopelessness. In a scene where she has turned to science (fertility treatments, en vitro, etc.) for the help to conceive, and standing with her newly found biological mother, (the less than spiritually sensitive mom who all too often uses God’s name in vain, is played by Bette Midler) she is set to go through the scientific process with little regard or hope in God’s care for her. Midler, the mom, noticing that for the first time since she has “known” her biological daughter, that Helen has not stopped to pray over the procedure, is surprisingly stunned. Standing in the room together as the doctor is about to begin the sensitive procedure Bette brings a halt to the proceedings. Here is how it unfolds:

Bette: Wait. Stop. (She asks the doctor and nurse to leave)

Helen: What are you doing?

Bette: Why are you not praying?

Helen: What do you care?

Bette: I don’t, but you do?

Helen: Its none of your business.

Bette: You pray over everything. You don’t even eat a piece of bread without praying…

Helen: Not anymore

Bette: Why?

Helen: (with tears in her eyes and a keen sense of hopelessness and despair on her face)…

I had faith. I believed. I believed in a loving God. What kind of loving God…

Bette: What if God is difficult?

The significance of this scene, and the message involved, is in my view profound. In fact, as I sat there with tears in my eyes, and as the movie wrapped up just several minutes later, not a sound could be heard in the entire theater. No one moved a muscle until well after the credits were over. It was clear that everyone could relate. I think we were all replaying our own tapes which record unfulfilled dreams and huge disappointments and making an attempt to put the pieces of the plot in our lives together.

Have you ever asked hard questions of God, of life? If so, you know the pain of which Helen’s character speaks. This woman, a teacher, in love with kids, was absolutely hungry for children. She wanted to love and nurture and care for a child of her own. Yet, despite all efforts, that gift was seemingly denied. Over the years, she could not accept the advice of others, to adopt, as something remotely appealing. In her mind, “It just is not the same”. Though many encouraged her that it, indeed, could be the same, Helen could not accept this idea. For her the dream was a child of her own, from her own womb, or none at all. Her fulfillment, largely speaking, had become dependent upon that dream being fulfilled in the way she imagined it. There was no other way.

In the closing moments of the film the overarching moral of the story is unveiled. It becomes apparent that the attempt to fertilize did not work out, and Helen, amidst her new life, with her new love, (a man who saw his wife run out on him and was left to parent two kids alone) is shown some time later interacting with her new family. As the camera follows her she comes upon her new husband (Colin Firth) who is in the back yard staring in wonderment at something not yet revealed. As he senses Helen approaching he lifts his gaze long enough to meet Helen’s eyes. Softly, soberly, with a sense of contentment, Helen looks back at him and simply says, “I know”.

At this point in the movie the viewer is not yet clued in on what is happening, and it appears that, perhaps, they are gazing into the distance at a sunset or landscape. The last look we had was that of Helen in the doctors office attempting en vitro, and the conclusion is never offered.

Then, as the movie is closing, just after this shot with Helen and her husband, the camera pans back and a little Chinese girl comes running around the corner, cute as she can be. It is only then that the viewer is clued in on the fact that Helen, amidst the broken dreams for her own womb giving life, has taken the advice of others and adopted a child. As the movie closes one is left with the sense that Helen has come to embrace a sweet blessing, a new look at parenthood, and a new start. Amidst life’s challenges physically, relationally, emotionally, and spiritually, Helen has come to a place of peace. Though the script is not as she would have drafted it, amidst the love of a new romance, a budding relationship with her newly found biological mother, and children to love, Helen’s sense of love, life, and faith is being enlarged. God may be difficult, His dreams may go beyond our own, but it is worth accepting and pursuing.

And so, here is the deal. As is the case for Helen, and as was the case for all the heroes of faith portrayed in scripture, so it is with us. A man lays out his plans, but his steps are ordered by the Lord. We all have dreams upon which we believe our ultimate contentment depends. We all have desires and goals which we “know” are best for us, and for the rest of the world. We all want certain things. The difficulty with God is, He sees all and knows all. What if God is difficult in that He does not draw up the script as we want Him to? What if God is difficult in that He often takes us places we would not have foreseen? What if God is difficult in that His love for us is so far beyond our comprehension that we cannot begin to imagine the fulfillment offered to us in the script He drafts for us?

I had the dream of playing Division 1 college tennis. That dream was killed, abruptly, by a back injury at the worst possible time. I had the dream of being 6′2…uh, that never happened. I had the dream of leading a thriving church by the age of 30. Again, nope. I had the dream of seeing my step-father being healed from cancer. He died at 27 years of age. I have had the dream of seeing my back healed once and for all. Not yet. I had the dream of seeing my first book, Soul Storm, highly endorsed I might add, become a best-seller. Last time I checked it was more than a bit shy of that mark. These dreams and many others have not come to fruition in my life. Yet, I can look at what God has given in place of these scripts I conjured up, and I realize how much of the sweetness of His grace I would have missed had these dreams come true. I have seen the splendor of His grace in my life in spite of these desires not being fulfilled. For each “no” more love and grace has been provided, and other amazing experiences and opportunities have been given. Notice, none of these dreams are bad in and of themselves. Yet, they were not, apparently, the dreams God had in mind for me. Or perhaps, unknown to me, they could have resulted in my moral, spiritual, emotional or relational demise. Who knows? God knows, and that’s the point.

When we come to that place in life, like Helen, where we question the goodness and provision of God, we need only remember the story of Abraham, and God’s call for him to walk his son toward what seemed like a sure death. Not only was it the death of a son that was looming, but also the death of a nation, as God had promised that through this son a nation would come. That test of Abraham has now encouraged the faith of countless believers for centuries. The test became a blessing. God knew the final scene, but withheld it from Abraham. Now, the entire world sees it in full view, and the world is a better place as a result.

In those moments of questioning we can also look to the life of Joseph. Remember his story? A favorite son with great potential who was given dreams, big dreams, literal dreams, by God Himself. His path to “success” certainly did not develop as he would have drawn it up. As a teen he was hated by his brothers, beaten, and left to die. Then, to serve their own purposes, the brothers altered the plan and rather than killing him sold him into slavery. Nice. What compassion. From there his life script did not get too much better. Along the way he was lied about, forgotten about, imprisoned, and slandered. Not exactly the fast track to one’s life purpose, right? All this while remaining the person God called Him to be morally and spiritually speaking. Isn’t all the good stuff supposed to come to those living a Godly life? Not in Joseph’s case, or Job’s, or Jeremiah’s, or…

In the end, however, we know that Joseph was eventually to become second in command of an entire nation, was reunited with his family, and he spared untold numbers from famine. He was a national hero! Above all, he has become a compelling picture of the providence of God, one of the most significant in all of history. Again, the Divine Director knew the story’s ending, but Joseph did not. The world was and is a better place as a result.

Lastly, look at the script for Jesus, the Son of God and Savior of the world. In our mind, in our day, in our culture, this guy would have shown up on prime time television, before an audience of millions, dressed to kill, slick as all get out, wielding power like a Czar, and blinged-up like no other. Would anyone, prior to the book being written, have guessed He would show up in a manger, amongst barn animals, shepherds, and hay, with his parents running and hiding like criminals? Would anyone, the Jews certainly did not, have expected the Chosen One to live amongst the down and out and ostracized, have nowhere to lay His head, and be scorned, laughed at, and crucified as a criminal? Come on! But, alas, God turned this unlikely script into the greatest story ever told. The characters, plot, sub-plots, plot twists, and ending are all way off the chart for even the most seasoned of writers. BUT GOD… More sweetness, grace, love, wonder, and astonishment has never been known. Indeed, as a result of this unlikely screenplay, the world and eternity are profoundly impacted.

In closing, “Finally!” I am sure you are thinking, I would like to encourage you to consider that despite all your failures, broken dreams, torn relationships, and unfulfilled desires, God is at work in the plot of your life. He sees all, knows all, and is able to craft a truly remarkable piece of art with your life. Even when it is you who has gotten off page, missed your lines, missed your mark, and otherwise crashed the set, God is able to rewrite your part, restore your character, and deliver an ending worth remembering. He is the writer, producer, director, and main character in all of our lives. As you continue to dream, set goals, and get after it, do so with a keen eye toward His leading. He will not always show us the entire work ahead of time, but this is a director we can all trust. Allow Him to lead you through all the twists and turns of plot development in your life. He knows what we need and He desires our best. Even when it seems difficult, He is at work.

Just as Mr. Holland, in the remarkable movie Mr. Holland’s Opus, did not see his dream of becoming a famed composer become a reality, he came to find that his years spent building into the lives of ordinary kids, in an ordinary school, in an ordinary town, actually contributed in a remarkable way in the bettering of the lives of many. Who can forget that amazing final scene when he is gathering his belongings after being summarily and unjustly canned, as he is walking out of the school for the last time, walking past the auditorium, hears rumbling and music, and ventures in to find a full auditorium of people, all gathered there to pay tribute to him and his legacy?

The highlight comes when many from his past music classes are there playing a role in the orchestra which is honoring him, one of which is the newly elected Govenor. As the movie ends, and as Mr. Holland is in tears, astonished by the event, and after having led the orchestra in playing his very own musical Opus, he is presented with the reality that his greatest contribution, his most significant life’s work, his true Opus, is the lives which were changed by being in contact with him over the years.

So it is with us. Even when we don’t get all that we think will make us whole, God is at working conducting His score in our lives. His composition is beyond anything we could ever write on our own. His music is majestic. The unfolding of such a work may not be easy. In fact, it can at times be down right difficult. Such difficulty, is in fact, brilliance. His desire for us is that our life be one worth remembering. Its not about the scorecard, but about the score of His choosing. His notes are those which strike cords of character, truth, purity, beauty, goodness, mercy, kindness, compassion, and otherness. He will never allow us find peace and rest while we are pursuing our own selfish ends. If its all about us, we can have no hope of playing an important part in His symphony. We must follow His lead not our own agenda.

May we trust Him, The Leading Man, The Conductor, The Director, at all times and in all things,

Bruce Smith

optimuslife.org

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