Dear Bruce …my cheeks are sore!

Dear Bruce,

What does a person do when despite all efforts to do good, be a friend, sacrifice, and otherwise put someone else first, they are yet perceived incorrectly and mistreated by someone they cared about?

How do we keep “turning the other cheek” when the person we offer our cheek to seems only to enjoy slapping us around?  At what point does a person stand up for what is right, and protect themselves from the abusive words or behavior of others?  Is there a time to say, “Enough is enough!”?

Please, give me some help here.

Brooke

Brooke,

We are, indeed, encouraged in the scriptures to “Turn the other cheek”.  We are also admonished to forgive not just seven times, but “Seventy times seven” which really means…keep doing it.  We are also told to “Live at peace with everyone as much as it depends upon you.”  That means, frankly, sometimes no matter how hard we try, the other guy/gal just does not want to live at peace with us.  So, the trick is to find which situation you are in and act accordingly.

In some situations, after careful thought and consideration the “heaping of burning coals” approach is the way to go.  That is to say, sometimes kindness will finally get that knucklehead’s attention.  At other times, after repeated attempts to demonstrate your care for someone and your desire to live at peace, you just have to say, “I am done with this…you refuse to allow me to make any progress in this situation…we cannot interact like this any more.  I am through until you are willing to help make things better.”

You have to be willing to be sensitive to God’s leading and truly honest with yourself as to what is going on so you can know which way to go.  At times our emotions, fears, urges, and pride can drive our desire to act certain ways.  Those realities can lead us to continue the fight when it should have been ended long ago.

At other times, our fears, insecurities, false humility, and emotional weakness can keep us from being as bold as we ought to be in a given situation.  Sometimes a straightforward telling of the truth is the only way to go.  Often this is what a person needs.  While not easy at first it can help people come to terms with important issues that are affecting their lives.

I have been in both situations and have seen God do really neat things when I took His way through the ordeal.  Not too long ago I stuck with a situation in which I knew I had to keep persevering and keeping taking the blows until something broke…and it finally did.  A relationship was healed and a friendship was maintained.  I was a little sore after the floggings, but I was a better person at the end of it for having endured the situation.

I also recently had to very forthrightly tell someone that they were way off base, totally misinterpreting a situation, and that their behavior was jeopardising our relationship, communication, and fellowship with God.  I have had to do this in the context of relationships, business, ministry, and parenting.  Being a confrontation-averse person by nature, its not always easy, but I always see God’s hand at work when I step up and do it His way.

So, figure out, with God’s leading, which kind of situation you are in.  Be aware of what you are bringing to the situation whether good or bad.  Exercise a little cheek courage where its needed or “man up” on the tough love thing a bit if that’s the play.  Either way, as you step out appropriately, chances are that you and the relationship will be strengthened.  After you have done all you can, and can rest before God knowing you gave it all to Him, then if the other person does not make the same progress…that’s not your responsibility.

Go get em,

Bruce Smith

optimuslife.org

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