That is ridiculous! America’s Great Sex Debate
“That is ridiculous!”, was the statement I heard one CNN host/interviewee belt out during a program dealing with the current debate over Sarah Palin’s daughter’s abstinence quotes in recent days. As most people know by now, Bristol, who has split with the father of her child, is now talking about teen sex and moral values. Levi, for his part, is on the air suggesting, much to the liking of most media, that an abstinence approach to teen sex is unrealistic and unprofitable.
I live in the real world, and in fact, have two teenagers in my home. So, I do not approach this subject without a frame of reference. Further, I was once a teenager (though too many years ago to count, I still remember–well!). What is so very troubling to me is the arrogant and moral pitch with which many are bashing Bristol and others who would embrace the abstinence approach. Indeed, on yesterday’s CNN broadcasts the overwhelming sense given from the hosts and the majority of interviewees was one of disbelief and smug amusement that anyone could suggest that abstaining from sex was a real possibility for a teen, or anyone else for that matter. Married or not, it is suggested, sex is just a given, like eating lunch, showering, sleeping, or using the bathroom.
Further, the fact that Bristol is pregnant, is now being used as a battering ram against the argument for abstinence. The media pundits seem somehow amused and convicted that no one who is pregnant can logically make a stand for premarital abstinence. But how many of us are convinced of important moral stances and yet don’t live up to them every second of every day? Because a person makes a mistake does not logically disprove a value one embraces. That is like suggesting a parent who claims to love their child is proven a phony on those occasions when anger and frustration wins out over patience and poise. Does this negate the reality of love for a child? I don’t think so. Many other examples could, of course, be given here.
The over-arching reality that is unspoken in this uproar over Sarah Palin’s daughter and her pregnancy is the culture hunger for a life lived without any moral constraint. What is so ironic, however, is the moral fervor with which the pundits attack morality. The very same voices which desire to live a moral absolute-free life seem to be making a moral case that abstinence as a moral value is absurd. But to what authority, we must ask, do such people appeal in making the case? How can we expect to make a moral case against morality without appealing to some standard of morality or truth? That is “ridiculous” in the most fundamental and intellectual of ways. The statement, which I heard several times yesterday, “That is ridiculous!”, is in fact, a statement which must be offered upon some basis of standard. Who says? Who is the standard of measurement for such a claim that Ms. Palin’s stance is so far from normal reality based living as to be intellectually laughable, reprehensible and untenable? To what bearer of cultural and moral truth does a “news reporter” appeal to make such an emotionally-laden pronouncement? Ridiculous? Indeed!
What I find so deeply troubling about the cultural rhetoric of our day is the increasing rate of appeal and the fever pitch with which so many are communicating to our young people an “anything goes” approach to life. We seem bent as a society to abandon any call to moral truth which does not please the individual. But we need only look to our fight with the terrorists to see the faulty logic. Practically speaking we cannot approach life with a “you measure truth for yourself” approach. With 6 billion people on the planet, and with that approach, we would be open to 6 billion competing views of truth. Surely, many of those views would conflict. And they do. We believe, as Americans, that people who kill us for differences of opinion are mad, they are terrorists, they are morally vile, and they ought to be stopped, even killed. But they believe equally as strong that we are the ones who need to be disposed of. Without a standard of measurement who is to say which view is correct? Is there a higher truth to which we can appeal? No doubt the terrorist’s pundits would suggest, “It is ridiculous that anyone in our culture could believe that Americans should not die! Come on, Abdul!!” Think about it.
So, I write today to suggest that we as a culture reconsider what it means to be human, what it means to live morally, and what it means to understand and embrace truth, real life-giving truth. Is Ms. Palin the kind of person we really want to make a mockery of as a culture? A young girl who has realized that sex outside of the bounds of marriage is wrong, and who has learned, apparently, from her mistake? Would we like her more if she were a sex-crazed, drug loving, religion basher, who called teens to abandon all form of cultural and societal restriction? Frightfully, the reality is, “Yes.”, we would like her more as a culture. Just look at music and movie sales if you doubt this. And see who we make superstars. Really, look at it.
Here is the bottom line. If, as a culture, we are set on developing a society which champions free sex and a morality free approach to life, we will get, in ever-increasing measure, more of what we now have: rising unwed pregnancies, rising broken home numbers, more children neglected and abandoned, more crime, more addicts, more much more of those things which destroy societies and ruin homes and lives. This is simple math really.
Just look at your own life if you doubt this, or the lives of others who have taken the “This is ridiculous!” approach to living. Look at “Girl America” now, and what she has attained for herself. Here is the scene: she grows up in a home where dad (or mom increasingly) left for another lover, she comes to embrace loose living, free sex, substance abuse, and a general “my way” passion for life. Later, after many lovers, a few abortions, and much relational mess, she “settles” down, marries, has a kid. Life feels too confining, too mundane, too predictable, too “restrictive”. She says to herself, “This is ridiculous! I am done with this!” She finds another lover, leaves her spouse, drags her kids along with her into her “freer” lifestyle, and determines to make her own way. Eventually, she finds her new lover old, she tries another, finds him old, tries another, finds him old, tries another…all the while her daughters are watching, and are having their foundation for the future built. In the end, Girl America winds up broken, alone, confused, empty, and without love, and watches in horror as her children repeat the same cycle. Magnify that scene millions of times over, male and female. Is this the nation we want? Look at the numbers, the surveys, the data…its here, now. And if we don’t change the approach with which we embrace living, and if we don’t consider how we are living and what we want to teach our teens, it will continue to come our way in an ever-increasing scale. The results are clearly apparent.
Lastly, let me address this from a very direct, practical and first-hand perspective. As a parent, I really do not want news anchors telling my teens and pre-teens that moral restraint with regard to sex is “ridiculous”. Sex education in my home is my place. Are they next going to tell my kids that restraint with regard to murder, drugs, and corruption are “ridiculous”? I remind you, there is a movement to define life in terms of quality. Those very pundits who are now strong, vibrant, and healthy, will some time, not too far off, be old, gray, and weak in body. If they continue with this logic, then the movement to redefine life in terms of quality (whose quality, whose standard?) may wind up putting a quick end to them when they become a “ridiculous inconvenience” to their children or society in general. A society with morals up for grabs is wide open to all sorts of conflicts. I digress. Back to the firsthand practical defense for abstinence I promised.
I am a 40 year old man. By good genes, and a good deal of work in the gym, I am relatively attractive, quite fit, and somehow “attractive” to, at least, a fair number of females. This is not self promotion, just trying to set the stage. As a single man the last several years, I have not found it too difficult to find a “date” when one was desired. Thankfully, I have had the opportunity to spend time with a number of very attractive women. Some I have spent more time with than others, and on occasion I have traveled with a female. I have been approached by some females, on occasion, and offered various opportunities for “fun”. I have worked in, played in, and generally spend time in settings where access to available women was relatively good. I have the opportunity to drive nice vehicles, have a nice home, live in a good neighborhood, have three beautiful children, and otherwise have no real glaring “stay way from that guy, girls!” caution signs attached to me. All this is to say, as a single, available, American male with an interest in females and access to relationships with attractive females, I have been able to, by God’s grace, remain, yes, “abstinent”! Ridiculous!, huh? I don’t think so. In fact, I am thrilled to be where I am.
Moreover, and again, this is not to promote self, but rather to confront the pundits of late, I was abstinent as a teen. Yep, I said it. I abstained, even as a teen, from sex before marriage!! Still further, by the grace of God, and being convinced of the beauty and wonder of His plan, I have enjoyed and engaged in sex only within the wondrous boundaries of my 15 year marriage. During that time, indeed, sex was fantastic, very frequent, and wonderful. It is a gift from God. It is not life defining, and it will never “make” a relationship, but it was good. Relationships, in fact, are “made” during the 99.9 % of time spent in non-sexual activity. “Making love” is a misnomer. Love is made, primarily, away from the bed. The bed celebrates that which has been formed prior to the festivities. Sex is part of the expression of love, and can indeed enhance and deepen the love which is there, but it cannot “make” the love happen.
Here is the point in opening my sex life my readers. I am only one person, but certainly not the only person, who has spent, by choice, 40 years living in and enjoying God’s plan for sex. Yes, I have indeed been tempted, regularly, to step outside of that plan, and yes, I have at times lost the battle with lust. And, no, I have not been castrated! I am a man, fully a man, living in this sex-driven culture, and very aware of the beauty of a woman, and hope to enjoy that beauty sexually, again, at some point in the future. Yet, I whole-heartedly affirm, and shout, “Abstinence is NOT ridiculous!”, as a concept or life reality. No doubt, I am open to failure in this realm just as anyone else is. No doubt, I could fail tomorrow in living up to the value I have just championed. But have no doubt, I believe abstinence, outside of marriage, is a real, life-giving, God-honoring approach to sexuality. Further, I have seen far too many lives and homes be wrecked by an abandonment of the stance Ms. Palin is now offering. I have seen kids lose parents, friends get diseases, girls experience life-long pain from abortion, and complete confusion in the hearts of those who abandoned the biblical view of sexuality. Consider the irrationality of abandoning moral absolutes with regard to sexuality. If we can choose when, where, and with whom we have sex, who is to say the sex “offender” is morally debased? If one’s abstinence is “ridiculous” is it not ridiculous for all, in any situation, on any grounds? Who says differently? Where is the benchmark for truth here? Where does the logic begin and end?
What our world speaks of as good is in stark and dark contrast to that which God defines as life-giving and beautiful. We are exchanging the truth for a lie. When we as a people call good evil and evil good, we are at risk of greater pain. If we are not careful we will endanger our kids and the nation as a whole. We are already doing so. To be blindly hungry for and inebriated with a life void of moral absolutes is to invite great personal pain, emptiness, confusion, and loss into our lives. To want such is, I suggest, “Ridiculous!” in the truest sense.
Jesus has suggested, “I have come that you might have life, and life abundantly”. (John 10:10) His way is, wondrously and joyfully, the only way which leads to such a life. What life do you want? Abundance? Read His words again. Give it a shot.
Joyfully abstinent (and fully male!),
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
soulstormsite.com