Game, Set, Match! …no, wait, there was a “let”– A divine look at “do-overs” & Moral Mulligans.
In the game of tennis one point, one fault, one error, one misplayed ball can be the undoing of a match. The thing you never want to hear from the chair umpire if you have just missed a shot is, “Game, Set, Match.” That means you just lost. It is in that moment, like Roger Federer in the 2008 Wimbledon final, and again in the 2009 Australian Open final, one realizes the opportunity for life changing victory has come and gone…and you missed your moment.
There is, however, another moment in a tennis match when the pause button is pressed, and a “do-over” is granted. This can take place on a serve when the ball hits the net and then falls in, or it can happen if some unexpected interruption takes place during a point (another ball rolls on the court during play for example). In the social or club game sometimes a disputed call or a shot too close to call can result in a friendly do-over or “let”. This “let” or do-over in tennis is equivalent to the infamous “Mulligan” in the game of golf.
In golf, country club golf that is, sparring partners can agree to designate one or more do-overs or “Mulligans” for either nine or eighteen holes. Sometimes that Mulligan, as in tennis, can make or brake a golfer’s day on the links. The strategy behind the use of a Mulligan is, of course, critical. Typically, a golfer will use the granted do-over only when a ball has gone seriously out of bounds and no hope for a good shot exists or it will be used when one shot will make the difference in victory or loss. The strategic use of that Mulligan can set up the golfer for enormous flattery or dejection on the 19th hole (clubhouse)!
But what about life? Do we get any Mulligan’s? Are we granted any lets? Moreover, if we could somehow acquire a do-over or two, what event would we choose? Which “shot” would we use that divine “let” on? A marriage proposal? That date we should have asked for? That date we should have said “NO!” to? The job we should have or should not have taken? The hurtful words we spoke in a moment of great stress or pain? The pursuit of title or money at the expense of family? The one night stand? Eating habbits? A lack of exercise? What would you use your “let” on?
Just hitting the 40 year threshold in life, I have been thinking upon this question for a few months now. In my mind’s eye I have reviewed an endless array of possible do-overs. I have wondered how different my life would have looked had I taken a moment to call a “let” at certain big moments. What if I had gone and gotten that back surgery at 18? What if I had courted or married someone else? What if I had not taken that job? What if I had moved there? What if I had pursued that dream more diligently? What if I had a father? What if I took that tennis scholarship? What if I had finished another degree? …The list is seemingly endless. Some “lets” appear to be more important than others, but in reality who knows? Even the smallest of decisions could have made a huge difference in where I am now, who I am now. But that is somehow not the point I have come to realize. This is the life I have, like it or lump it.
As I was pondering this issue recently, on a quiet Sunday morning, very early, crossing the world’s longest bridge, taking in the sunrise and still waters while taking my son to the airport to fly out for soccer camp, and preparing for services in which I was to lead prayer later that morning, my son and I heard an interesting story on NPR. The interviewer was chatting with the author of a book entitled “Do-Overs”. Robin Hemley, still carrying the weight of his many marred and broken childhood realities, decided at the age of forty-eight, to use his self-granted “do-overs”. His idea, now a book, was to go back and re-do a number of experiences which have impacted him for life. Robin chose to go back to Kindergarten to try and relive, or rather un-live, a very tough experience he suffered at the hands of his terrorist Kindergarten teacher, a woman later committed to an institution, who apparently, had it in for Robin. He also chose to go back and use a do-over for his prom. In this case, his desire was to finally ask the girl he “should have asked” many years earlier to go to the dance with him, the one he watched through the windows of the high school as she danced with others. These and many other do-overs, according to his thinking, would be the gateway to a new lease on life, finally.
Robin’s idea is an intriguing one isn’t it? Who among us does not, after all, have a few (quite a few in reality) experiences stored away which prompt us to long for the do-overs or “lets”? The girl in the airport I should have ventured a conversation with, the barista I should have extended a clear hand of compassion to, the kid I should have encouraged more, the talent I should have developed, … But, here we are, where we are, and with many a wort and wonder en tote. How do we process it all? How can we look at the past through the appropriate lens, assess the present as it should be assessed, and look forward properly and enthusiastically to the future? Does a meaningful view of the present and a hopeful view of the future require a re-do on the past? Can we now take that “let”? Should we?
This is a critical question for all of us I would suggest. Moreover, the divine perspective on this one can utterly alter how we live and how we move forward with our lives. It can make all the difference in how we relate, who we relate to, why we make certain choices, and on and on. As Robin Hemley came to find out through his voyage into the past, the past is the past, and all that has happened is a part of us. Now matter how hard we try, and regardless of how deeply we crave it, the past will not change. In reality, Robin did not actually do anything over, he merely did something else. He did not become 5 or 18 again, as much as he would like to have. We cannot go back either. Further, even it we could change the past, we would make other poor decisions or other bad things would happen to us outside of our control which would make us only hunger for new do-overs. There are not enough Mulligans or Lets available for the faults and misadventures of humankind.
So, what is the divine perspective? What does God’s view of the brokenness of our past offer us? I think the answer is found in the New Testament book of Romans. In the eight chapter of that book the author confronts all of our failures and all of life’s tough spots head on. Its an amazing read that addresses anything and everything one could imagine happening in a lifetime. Loss, persecution, anger, rage against us, death, supernatural forces coming against us, things we control, things we don’t control…you name it, its there. In fact, let’s take a quick look at it here: Romans 8:31-39
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36As it is written,
”For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Anything missing there that has effected your life? Is your Kindergarten teacher’s rage and emotional frailty on that list? Your prom? Your marriage? Your divorce? Your failed job? Your plunge into addiction? Your sense of uselessness? Your terminal illness? Your parent’s abuse? A rape? An amputation? Job loss? Car accident? Death of a spouse? Its all there.
What is important to note here is that the writer does not bring a word or methodology for hope through some sort of “let”, Mulligan, or do-over. Quite the contrary. In this critical life passage from the scriptures the writer offers an entirely shocking perspective. In these things, God works! The original language actually offers the following sense, “As a result of these very things, in and through these events, or because of these events God is doing His thing!” The reality of scripture, and the hope of salvation is that no matter what we encounter in life, God is bigger, and He is actually using those very events for our good! That is a remarkable suggestion for a “What if?” world. The very events I despise, cower to, run from, and am haunted by, God is able to use in order to bring about good things. How the heck?!
What the writer is not suggesting, and what I am not saying, is that we should take events, happenings, and failures of the past lightly. Our motto should not be, “I don’t regret any of it!” I cringe every time I hear such a phrase from those who have lived utterly immoral lives and have “found faith”. We are to grieve over our failings and the failings of others. We are to see them for what they are. And we are to hunger for an existence more in keeping with God’s best. God abhors all that robs His world and His children of the very best. We must see things as they are, otherwise, we remain unchanged and we are destined to do the same thing over and over. That’s the do-over spiral which no soul can endure joyfully. That’s the do-over which destines us to a life lived apart from God’s purposes and intimate presence. That is the definition of a living hell. We must see the failings as failings. But we do not stop there. More importantly, God does not leave us there.
Rather than a do-over or let, what the scriptures offer us is a Cover Over and a way to Cross Over to a new reality. Not a cover up, but rather the covering of grace given to us by God in Jesus Christ through the despised event of the Cross. The cross offers the bridge to a renewed heart and future. Even the singular most unjust and horrific event in history, the horrid prosecution against the planet’s only perfect Man, becomes for us, the actual event which does the most good. That is Romans 8:31-39 explained. That is the message of the Gospel. That is the lens through which we are to view all of our less than perfect realities. The message of Jesus Christ, who works all things in our lives for His good and our ultimate good, is that all of our life events are reprocessed in the light of salvation. All of our moral failings can become instruments of good if we learn from them, and allow God to use them. His change in us can be used to demonstrate how amazing is His handiwork in the lives of real people. We can be bulletin boards of His grace and truth. Here is who we were, now look at who He has made us! To Him be glory!
Those missed moments we should have seized, God re-routes toward His agenda for us. The moments we pursued the wrong things He can redirect along a pathway to great growth. Far from being a fatalist view of life, this understanding of the truth enables us to run vigorously to God’s plan while acknowledging we will never get it all right, and secures in us the hope that God is always working on our behalf amidst our imperfections. Those who truly understand this never respond, “Then I can live like I wish!” Rather, grace understood properly, by those living in its reality, provides the fuel to run through life with wild and untamed passion toward all that God desires for us. Someone who truly knows Him cannot make an insignificant nod toward the plans He has for us. The love of God for us is to ignite our souls to pursue Him in a heart of love-infused devotion. Salvation is not a “get out of hell free card”, its a living reality of being recreated internally in His image…its about becoming truly whole.
One of the foremost highlights of the life of grace is the understanding that our sins are covered, our past redeemed, and our future secured. The prom activities we should not have pursued, the woman or man in Vegas we should not have entertained, the children we should not have abandoned, the job we should not have taken, the words we should not have spoken, the events we could not control, …it can all be given Godly significance. If you have found yourself wondering what you could have done differently or if your current state is less than you had hoped for, look to God and ask what purposes He has for you in this place, this time, in your life. Allow Him to whisper His assurance and ability to redeem what has been lost, and to usher you forth in confidence for the future. Its not a do-over you really need. For each of us it is a soul-makeover which is required. The more we are made into the person He wants us to be the more we find the ability to live life less prone to craving do-overs or “lets”. Let it be. It happened. Hear his message in the midst of your pain. Take His hand, turn away, and move on with Him.
The message of the Gospel is big enough for the most desperate of lives. Even King David, God’s chosen man, Israel’s greatest king, the man the bible refers to as “A man after God’s own heart”, when confronted with his sin with Bathsheba, and in the throws of the enormous pain that ensued, could not apply a do-over and go back. What was true for Him is true for us. We must stand with our soul naked before God, admit our failings, and then cry out to God in hopeful anticipation of being renewed. As David came to see, it is His presence that makes all the difference. God alive in us, that is our covering for all of our disappointment and failure. A new wife won’t do it, a new house won’t fix it, another big deal won’t cure the cravings of your soul. Only God fits that bill. Most of our perceived need for do-overs stem from our losing sight of this reality, as David did. Our souls only dance, truly, to the music of God. When you are about to make that next wrong decision remind yourself of this truth and you may just save yourself a desire for another Mulligan. And when you do fail again, and you will, learn from it, give it to God, accept His provision of grace, and then allow it to be re-routed for good.
In all these things, we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus!! Game, Set, Match…you win through Him! Like Roger Federer, though the big losses hurt, we can live to fight, and win, and make history, another day! The Chair Umpire has ruled in our favor once and for all!!
Let Him win you over today,
Bruce Smith (optimuslife.org)
soulstormsite.com
blog.optimuschoice.com