Crashing into Newness

24. July 2009 by BruceSmith.

Crashing into Newness

I wanted to be someone

So I acted like everyone else.

I wanted to be seen,

So I dressed like everyone else.

I wanted to be known,

So I went where everyone else went.

I wanted to be liked

So I liked what everyone else liked.

I wanted to be popular

So I sought to make everyone laugh with me.

I wanted to be desired

So I danced for them all.

I wanted to feel loved

So I gave my body away.

I wanted to feel clean

So I eased my pain and numbed my mind.

I wanted to escape my past

So I lived only in the moment.

I wanted to hurt my parents

So I hurt myself.

I wanted to prove myself to everyone

So I loved no one.

I wanted to find my way

So I chose every way.

Now what?

This is my cry.

I wake up confused

I fall asleep in sorrow.

I spend my days in an empty fog

I waste my nights following fun like a dog.

None of it works

None of it matters.

My soul is dry

My heart is still broken.

Real love has not found me

Nor have I offered it.

The someone I have become

Is no one I care to see.

My family is broken, shattered

Just like my heart.

I have left no mark on this glorious and wounded world

I am merely marred, and wrecked.

No one really knows I am here

And why should they?

I live for me

I love only me.

In the eyes of others 

There is only a mirror.

In the pain of others

I only hear my own scream.

Me, Me, Me

The only person I see.

Will this last forever

Will I die drowning in the pit of Me?

Is there an escape from this darkness

This long bleak night of my soul?

Like a shout into the silence

I heard your sweet whisper today!

“Come to me, you who are weary,

And I will give you rest”

“Take my yoke upon you, 

my burden is light”

“Come, find ease and rest,

and comfort for your soul”

“I will give you rest”.

How did you know?

How did you know I was alone

Alone in a crazy and crowded world?

I did not think anyone knew I was crying

I lived for years thinking only I really saw it.

Could I have walked with you years ago

Could I have experienced this divine intimacy all along?

Were you offering me healing and help

all along the way?

How could I have missed it?

Remove the lens that allows me to only see my plight

Give me newness of sight.

Release me from the compulsion for bold independence

Set me free to live for you and others.

Birth the Psalmist’s refrain in me

“Your statutes are like pure gold”

Teach me your love and truth

Which is like honey from the comb.

Light my path

Every moment.

Enable me to live, and to dance

In the glow of your light and truth.

May I know, from tip to toe

That your love and your truth are my freedom, my release, my joy.

Set me ablaze with grace

Let me breath again, for the first time.

Here I am, all of me

I am yours.

Bruce Smith

optimuslife.org

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Dear Bruce, “I have teenagers…help!”

21. July 2009 by BruceSmith.

Dear Bruce,

I have teenagers!  Help!  O.k., seriously, I am a single mom, have teenagers, college students, and have been wrestling with how I offer my kids reasonable freedom and yet draw Godly boundaries as well.  How do I find the balance between allowing them to work out their faith, and yet keep good goals, direction, and focus in front of them?  When they were much younger I set guidelines for entertainment, activities with friends, how we conduct ourselves in the home and elsewhere, etc., but now that they are near adulthood, I find it harder to know where my role should be strong, and where I have to let them go it alone.  I want to be a friend to them, but realize I also need to be a leader and parent for them.  Any pointers?

Thanks,

Samantha 

 

Samantha,

I have to tell you, it is encouraging to get such a letter from a reader.  I wish all parents were eager and ready to fulfill the role you are embracing wholeheartedly.  First of all, your goal seems to be right on track, and I think you have a pretty good compass for the task.  You seem to realize that as your kids are growing into adulthood, you have to give them some freedom (with input) to find their own way.    Many parents make the mistake of doing one of two things: 1. they totally control every movement of their kids or 2. they let the kids do whatever they want with no input.  

Parents that choose the former option run the risk of setting up their kids for bitterness, rebellion or dependency.  Parents that choose the later route run the risk of setting up their kids for a no holds barred approach to life, thought, and conduct.  The key is to balance between giving Godly counsel, direction, and feedback, while allowing them to process and work through how that feedback/direction impacts how they live.  You have to share with them why life according to God’s plan is the best way to fulfillment, and you have to give them room to learn that as they apply it or fail to apply it.  Cheer them on when they get it right, exercise discipline, correction, and grace when they don’t. 

Parents who give no boundaries to older teenagers and college students are allowing the culture, friends, and other influences to direct their kids.  That never works out well!  Parents who control every movement for older teens and college students are forcing their kids to live a life they have not chosen on their own.  That does not work either!  Openness about our own failures and lessons learned as parents can be helpful, and a willingness to hear and be compassionate with our kids when they fail is critical.  We have to affirm God’s best, and we have to affirm our kid’s individuality and personal responsibility.  And when big moments come, and major crossroads are at stake, we have to make it very clear, plain, direct, and convincing.  We cannot afford to be so hands off that we allow our kids to get too far down a broken path, one where recovery becomes exceedingly hard and damage is severe.  This is true of any good relationship by the way.   Be attentive, aware, and engaged.  Get in their face when you need to…it is loving.

Above all, our own lives must be a proper reflection of the life God calls all people to live.  He does have standards.  His standards are life giving and are there to set us free for a full life.  Someone recently said to me, “When God gives us a commandment He is setting us free!”  That is completely true.  To the extent our lives demonstrate this, it is more likely that our kids will run toward such a life.  Personally, I came to faith and became convinced of the life of faith after watching authentic christians live fulfilling lives over a period of years.  In my teen years it became clear to me, “That is the life I want.”  

As our kids see the joy, contentment, peacefulness, and pleasure of living a life that honors God, in us as parents, they will be increasingly drawn to Him and His agenda for them.  So, ask yourself if you are living the kind of life He has called you to first of all.  Does your everyday life clearly match up with the life you encourage them to live?  Does the person you present on Sunday at church match the person you are in daily life?  To the extent it does, again, your kids and young adults will want more of it.  Is your aim to live according to God’s standard for speech, entertainment, relationships, work ethic, community building, church involvement, etc.?  Again, your kids notice these things.  And they are quick to point out the inconsistencies!  

Parenting is a pleasure, and a responsibility.  Be aware of this, and allow your kids to know you understand this.  They need to know you take pleasure in the task, in them, and they need to know you are responsible before God to direct them, care for them, and lead them.  Ultimately, you answer to God for how you lead your kids.  

Its hard to realize they have grown up and are about to be out on their own.  I am living through that reality now with older teenagers.  Do all you can in light of God’s truth, pray for them, love them, extend grace to them, and be there for them.  And then, trust that God is the one who loves them even more than you, and the one who is with them every step of the way calling them, leading them, correcting them, and drawing them.

 

Bruce Smith

optimuslife.org 

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Dear Bruce, I’m a new Christian…what now?

3. July 2009 by BruceSmith.

Dear Bruce,

I am new to faith, excited about my new life in Christ, and eager to live the life God has for me.  I wonder, however, what is it I am aiming for?  What is the Christian life supposed to look like, feel like, be like?  Some Christians I know live lives that look no different than people I know who never go to Church, and some seem to have it all together.  I want the life God has for me, and I realize for the first time in my life that the life of pleasure and self I have been living is actually empty, self-defeating, and completely me centered.  This new life is one I am thankful for and thrilled to be living.  Just looking for a little direction now that I am on this journey.  Where do I go from here?

Thanks.

Great question, love the attitude and desire.  First, let me remind you that the Christian life is not about climbing some moral ladder to God.  All of us are so far removed from His standard of excellence and perfection, even people like Billy Graham and Mother Theresa, that we have no hope.  Only through Christ’s death on the cross, God’s grace, are we able to have a relationship with God and be in proper standing before Him.

Now, with that clear, here are a few more clues which I hope will help you.  First off, the Christian life is about a true inward change.  The bible says that when we come honestly to God and ask Him to take over our lives we become new creatures.  The bible literally says, “The old is gone, and behold all things have become new.”  This means that if a soul has indeed been changed and been found in relationship with God, new things happen.  It is very much like the transformation of a catapilar into a butterfly.  Once, the being was a ground crawling or tree crawling creature with little ability other than to sting and hurt others.  Once transformed, however, that dangerous creature becomes a work of flight and art which gives beauty to its surroundings.  The transformation could not be more dramatic.  

This is the case with a life transformed by God.  You are new.  Your desires are new, the old desires are passing, have passed away.  For the Christian, the change is from darkness to light.  Darkness, characterized by selfish pursuits, envy, lying, sexual promiscuity, anger, rage, drunkenness, deceit, adultery, murder, apathy, laziness, wild living, and a slew of more “mundane” flaws, equally appalling in God’s eyes, like impatience, lack of compassion, lack of generosity, lack of restraint, the craving for wealth, boastfulness, gossip, and more.  These are the old things that you are dead/dying to.  In reality, in Christ, we are dead to these things.  It is also true that the old man tries to raise his head, and so we have to “put to death daily” those old things, as Paul suggests.  For the true Christian, the desire to put those things to death, and the desire for new things, is a vibrant growing reality.

Once we are new in Christ, and walking with God, as in any good and life-giving love affair, we desire to walk in intimate fellowship with, and long to please our partner.  So it is with God.  If we know Him, we know of His goodness, and long, desire, enjoy doing things which please Him.  He is our goal, our hunger, our pursuit.  We desire the new things He has birthed in our souls.  Those things look like the butterfly of the soul, or the light which has illuminated the path.  These new things stand as monuments to His ability to change and grow us.  We are ever increasing in our desire for and our ability to live in and enjoy this new life.  The old destroys our communion and intimacy with Him, just as emotional, physical, and other forms of unfaithfulness destroys our human relationships and wrecks intimacy with those we love.  For the Christian, the old is replaced by sobriety, compassion, faithfulness, joy, forgiveness, patience, self-control, selflessness, monogamy, truthfulness, repentance, a soft heart, a gentle spirit, thoughtfulness, love of purity, pursuit of righteousness, humility, peacefulness, a teachable spirit, generosity, a desire to live in community with other christians, spiritual gifts, the fruit of the spirit, and a hunger for God’s ways in general.  

What is critical to understand, again, is that a proper view of Christianity sees these new pursuits and desires and works of God, as a joyous reality of living in a fresh way.  They are not badges we attempt to earn or rungs on a ladder we are climbing.  We have access to this new way of life because God has birthed it in us, and we want more of it because we know it brings joy to God and enhances our lives and that of others.  It is truly like being fully alive for the first time.  Indeed the bible says just that.  “Before you were dead in sin (your old ways), now you are alive in Christ”.  We must see the old patterns as death, and the new as life giving treasures.  Only God can birth that new perspective in us.  It is like an entirely new set of spectacles has been put upon the eyes of our souls, and for the first time, through a divine lens, we see life as it ought to be seen.  Now, traveling along the freeway of life, the map is clear, and we can see the proper route which we never knew existed.  We can see, for the first time, the dangers which lie off the course God has drawn.  And new vistas open up to us around every turn.

Take in this new life fully.  Read His words.  Start with the gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.  Then go through the rest of the New Testament, and focus on Paul’s writings which clearly show the transformation of the Christian heart and how we can stay on course.  Get deeply involved with a church, and a small group where you can know and be known by others.  Walk closely with those who are on the same journey.  Love others toward embracing the journey, but don’t celebrate their dark/old practices with them.  Paul tells us clearly, “Do not neglect gathering with those who know Him and who assemble and do church together.”  He also warns us of  being pulled back toward those ways of living not in keeping with the new life God has birthed in us.  Cherish your new life and don’t endanger it.  Be wise with your time, thoughts, social settings, relationships, and focuses.  As Paul tells us, the enemy of our souls ramps up the effort to distract us and to destroy us as we grow in intimacy with God.  Don’t walk around in fear, but be aware there are distractions galore in our world.  Appreciate, guard, and rejoice in the new life God has given you.

You are on the journey of your life, and on the road to the life you have always dreamed of.  Enjoy the ride.

Bruce Smith

soulstormsite.com

optimuslife.org

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