You are currently browsing the Bruce Smith weblog archives for the day 24. February 2010.
24. February 2010 by BruceSmith.
Conversations to stave off spiritual demise; leading others to spiritual vitality.
“He who saves one life saves the world entire”. Jewish Proverb
One of the things I aim to do as we continue this series on spiritual death autopsies is to provide the positive and hopeful side of the story. While spiritual death is a formidable reality in our world, we know that God has a plan to bring about life where death once reigned. The bible does in fact say that outside of Christ we are in fact spiritually dead. It also says that in Christ the old is gone (death) and the new has come (life).
The quality of the new life we lead is directly in proportion to the quality of our thinking and listening ability, our teachability. That is to say, the level at which we are able to open our hearts to Godly leadership and committed discipleship, determines the rate, character, and ongoing reality of our soul health. We must be able to allow others with our best interest in mind to speak into our lives, and we must eventually become followers who are self-feeding, leading ourselves, that is, into deeper intimacy with God. This being so, we must be reminded of what the bible says about the importance of “saying” or “telling”. The Old Testament culture was steeped in the call of the people of God to “bind the world upon their hearts” and the call to share the covenant realities with their families everyday as life unfolded. The New Testament picks up where the Old Testament left off and throughout we see “households” coming to faith as the formative model for life and cultural change, not just individuals. The faith of mature believers, and those in places of relational leadership is meant to be shared. Always. As a way of doing life with others.
The following conversation, a real life episode (the names of the guilty withheld to protect the guilty!), is an example of how spiritually mature believers are to lead others, and a good lesson for those struggling to find their way to spiritual health. If we are neither willing to lead or to learn, we are doomed to seeing ongoing decay, frustration, brokenness, relational madness, and broken fellowship with God. Not a fantastic set of results by and large.
So here is the scene, and hopefully an example of how we might have meaningful and life transforming conversations even if its tough. There’s a lot on the line. Everything in fact. While the scene below is teen focused, with minimal variation, it could be changed up and be clearly applied to people of all ages an backgrounds. It is not so much the particulars of the background, but rather, the focus of the conversation and the emphasis on dealing with reality as God defines it. Its about lives being on track and in deep intimacy with God and others. Here we go:
A teenager who has grown up in a vibrant Christian home from the beginning, and who has attended youth functions, small groups, Christian schools, …you name it, is clearly struggling in the latter teen years to stay on track. A concerned adult or friend, looking in with care and longing for the good of the teenager, and seeing many potentially destructive patterns taking root, decides its time to step in and sound the alarm bells. A number of options may unfold at this point.
What should a Godly conversation look like where a teen is missing the mark, pursuing relationships, social settings, and various activities that are not in keeping with the biblical plan? What’s a concerned leader, friend, parent, teacher, family member to say? Anything? Nothing?
Here are a few approaches which could be taken:
If the best approach looks obvious, its not as easy to play it out as one might imagine. Personalities get involved, daily grind has its affects, walls go up, other parties complicate things, and life gets generally messy. These realities can cause one to lose focus when dealing with an issue like this. This being so, I would compel us to remember what is at stake. If the realities listed above get the best of us who are in a position to lead others to spiritual health, we run the risk of losing those we most care about. It can and does happen every day. Kids fall through the cracks, and adults, because those close to them are too self-absorbed, bitter, angry, tired, confused, over-worked, spiritually shy, emotionally or relationally immature…and on and on. And there are others who tend to evaluate situations and behaviors from a worldly grading curve perspective rather than a biblical perspective and so they minimize things for years and then its too late.
If you know anything about coaching or leadership you will remember just how important modeling is. The most successful coaches and leaders are not merely “tellers”, but rather modelers of behavior. Coaches, teachers, parents, friends, who wish to impact the lives of others (and we are all called to do this, like it or not) must be models of character, not merely orators of rules. Children will not follow a parent’s admonition to stay out of night clubs, bars, and other soul-risky settings if parents are themselves socializing there. They will not stay away from sexual promiscuity if mom or dad jump into bed with anyone they date. They will not abstain from anger and bitterness if it is seen in the home on a daily basis. They will not pursue godly relationships if mom or dad don’t have a radical commitment to the biblical plan for dating and marriage. They will not work hard if those leading them are lazy. They will not embrace a vigorous use of the mind if mom or dad are always entertaining themselves with mindless television programs reduced to the most common denominator. Our greatest task as leaders of others is not to tell them, but to walk in the very activity and character we encourage. If this is not in place nothing we say really matters. And when we fail in a given area we must own it, tell it, turn away from it, walk the other direction entirely, and demonstrate what life change, grace, repentance, and change actually looks like. We are called to champion the grace of God to others as we tell them how He changed us from the inside out. As we go, it should be talked about all along the way. This is the biblical model for life, leadership, and loving relationships.
So, back to the practical scenario as it plays out.
The teen comes home one afternoon to announce he/she is headed off to a big bash to celebrate an event, mile marker, for a friend. The marker, as culture dictates, is to be celebrated by a night out at various clubs, bars, and other social venues where a clear diversion from the biblical plan for life is unfolding in graphic fashion. The announcement comes on the heels of ongoing and increasing patterns which are getting the teen further and further away from a sensitivity and passion for God’s call for life and lifestyle. If it all plays out, down the road this will be just another life who tasted God’s plan, but who was swept away by the tsunami of culture into a life of secular living. A tragedy from God’s perspective, regardless of what others say.
Here is perhaps what a loving, Godly, concerned person ought to make this wayward friend aware of, and how it might unfold:
So, yeah, we are going “out” and …( insert details here)
You are doing what now?
Yeah. Its just fun. No big deal.
No big deal? Really? Why not?
All teens do this every weekend. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t. Well, almost no one.
So its no big deal you will be in a setting where drunkenness, profane music and speech, and amplified sexual energy is all around you?
Just cuz I’m there doesn’t mean I am a bad person!
It does not mean its good for you either.
I can take care of myself.
Really. What does that mean?
It means I don’t have to do what everyone else is doing.
But if everyone else is doing what they should not be doing there, basically, and the whole situation is about enjoying those things, you don’t think any of your thoughts, desires, actions will be similar? That you will be tempted to join the “ fun “, or that over time the same could become normative behavior for you? And you don’t see a problem with ignoring, enjoying, or reducing unbiblical living to “fun”?
Maybe. But don’t make it such a big deal.
Don’t make it a big deal? And how does that help you? As a person. More importantly, in terms of you becoming the person God has called you to be.
I don’t want to be bored!
So, if you are not doing something contrary to God’s standards you have to be bored? There is nothing more meaningful to do? And non-boredom is officially defined by people who have abandoned biblical teaching?
Its just fun!
JUST fun? You sure there is not more to it than JUST fun? Because, as you know, fun is not how God describes a life devoted to drinking every weekend, dancing like you are having sex with someone, listening to music that promotes everything contrary to goodness, shallow relationships, relationships with no biblical basis or depth, and all the other stuff that goes along with it. And much goes with it, as you know.
Yeah, but.
But? What am I missing here?
I’m almost 18!
Almost 18 means you are exempt from God’s plan for life? I did not realize there was an age of exemption from Christian character. At 18 the official life rule book states, “Fun, even fun without boundaries, is now the guiding force for life”? Pleasure is the bar for living now?
I’m almost an adult!
Adults are not held accountable by God to live properly and find what life is truly about and to pursue it? And did you realize that 18, just from a legal perspective, is not a legal age to drink?
Everybody drinks!
Everybody does not drink. And certainly everyone does not go out to find a place where everyone else is drinking, for the purpose of drinking, and the other “purposes” people are in those settings for. I have many exceptional, fun, intelligent, vibrant friends who want no part of that shallow and unproductive lifestyle.
O.k. …well, I’m going!
No, you are not. Not while you are still a child under my care and living in my home. You are accountable for your life, motives, desires, and actions, but I am accountable as a parent called by God to lead you, to do just that, lead you. And protect you. And while you are here, you will know that I love you and care for you, AND I make the rules and will do all I can to encourage you to consider the life you are building.
This sucks! I hate you! I can’t wait to be out on my own!
Understood. I love you. I will always love you. I want all the world for you. But I’m not caving in to your tantrum. And one day, I pray, you will look back on this time in your life and be thankful I was not a soft, unconcerned, coward of a parent. If nothing else, I will be able to look at myself in the mirror and know I did what I felt God called me to do in terms of loving and leading you to His plan. Its up to you to follow it. I don’t do it perfectly myself, but its my goal to follow Him fully. I have learned that’s the best way, the most fulfilling way, and even the most fun way, actually, to do life. I hope you will, sooner rather than later, come to see the same.
**now the sound of a door slamming shut is typically heard, and for now, the conversation is over. It will be revisited many times to come. But in the end, this concerned loved one did the job God called them to, and that has to be enough in this instance. That will have to be enough in every instance, surrounded by prayer, compassion, grace, personal lifestyle, consistency, and Godly interaction. We have the biblical promise that the word of God does not return void. It registers, even if it does not appear to outwardly. Its a biblical fact. But if we don’t say it, share it, tell it, the word cannot have effect.
If we have enough of these kinds of conversations with others, and sometimes with ourselves, we are much more likely to bring others and ourselves into greater spiritual maturity and health. In many instances souls, and sometimes lives, will be saved in the process. Life-changing events can be averted, teaching moments embraced, deep and abiding relationships nurtured, respect built, and God’s plan unfolded in the long run.
As has been said, “Your life may be the only gospel some people ever read”. As our lives and our words encourage others to consider God, we entreat them to find the life they were meant by God to live. When they, and we, fail, that’s when grace and forgiveness must be applied against the backdrop of the ongoing call to find His way again. Every step in our lives and in the lives of those we care about has eternal significance and radical present day implications. Our goal is never to run another’s life or to run over another, but rather, to point to the matchless life God offers each of us, and the wonder which opens up as we take Him up on His offer for life abundantly.
Again, as has been said, “The problem is not that the Gospel has been tried and found wanting, rather, the Gospel has been found hard and left untried”. May we try, indeed, with all impassioned sincerity, to allow God to show Himself faithful as we walk in His steps… and as we encourage others to do the same. Their entire world depends on it. Our entire world in fact.
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
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