You are currently browsing the Bruce Smith weblog archives for November, 2010.
24. November 2010 by BruceSmith.
A Grateful Heart
On the day which, for many, is merely an appetizer for the gift gorging season, it is good for us to truly think on the many gifts and miracles in our lives. Beyond the turkey, the football, the desserts, and the sofa, Thanksgiving should be about two things; Thanks and Giving.
The thing about this great holiday, which comes and goes all too quickly, is it offers us a moment to look across the table, the yard, the field, the living room or the kitchen, and notice the grace of God in our lives. As you find yourself today in the midst of family and friends, take note of the lives represented there and the bonds you have shared, even those which have been tested over the years. Give thanks, verbally and otherwise, to those you have shared life experiences with, and realize how fortunate you have been to be alive and to be engaged in the lives of others.
Husbands, notice, really notice your wife today as she works herself weary to prepare for her family and friends. Join her in the kitchen, put your arms around her, and let her know how truly thankful you are that she is there, and has been there, that she gives herself so freely to others, and that she makes life better for those around her. Wives, make your way to your husband today and express how grateful you are for his role in your life, his provision, help, friendship, strength, and leadership in your home. Don’t take each other for granted, actually give thanks, verbalize thanks, for the food being there, the kitchen to cook in, the home to eat in, the hands to prepare it, and the lives around you.
Use this day as a marker, if needed, to re-ignite the flame of gratefulness in your home and in your life. We go through too many days, weeks, months, and years neglecting the importance of expressing gratitude for others, even for the smallest gestures and gifts. It needs to be said, expressed, regularly. Its a characteristic which should define our lives. Gratitude unexpressed is thankfulness unknown, a hidden gift. In order for it to be seen it must be shared, offered. The expression of gratefulness is a testimony to our character, our humility, our understanding that its not all about us.
Look your kids, spouses, siblings, and friends in the eye today and convince them of their importance in your life. Embrace your kids in a way that wakes them up to the love you have for them. Call someone and give thanks for their place in your life. Text someone who may not have expected to even hear from you and enrich their day. Make it a day of giving, of yourself, your words, your emotions, your encouragement, your touch, your life. Walk across the room and tell that estranged family member how good it is to see them. Call that one the family has not seen in some time and let them know they are missed. Find a way to give of yourself amidst the feasting. Give with an uncommon sense of generosity today. Extend generous portions of grace. Serve up a pile of thankfulness. And make it a day to remember. Then live that way the next day, and the next, and the one after that, and keep it going.
In a culture so blessed its easy for us to become numb to the many gifts and privileges in our lives. We are so “more” driven, and comfort crazed, we tend to lose sight of how much we really have. And all too often, because we can be so self-centered, we rarely give thought to anything beyond our own shadow. This is a day which calls us to look beyond ourselves, and to look upward, to the One who has given us the abilities, means, and gumption which enables us to provide for ourselves and others. As we express thanks to those around us, may we, foremost, express profound gratefulness to our God above, who is matchless in loving-kindness, grace, patience, gentleness, forgiveness, and provision. Without Him none of us would exist, joy would be unknowable, beauty inexpressible, wonder indiscernible, and love untouchable. It is to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom we are supremely grateful.
Thanks be to God! Happy ThanksGiving.
Bruce Smith optimuslife.org soulstormsite.com
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17. November 2010 by BruceSmith.
Life In the Spirit–the roadmap to inner rest and outward peace
We all want to know what it is to live with a sense of peace and rest. We all long to spend our days experiencing vibrant relationships with others. We all, too often, regret the episodes that cause that dream, too commonly, to become a living nightmare. So, how do we, in an earnest and viable way, find our way to lasting, consistent, peaceable, and contented interaction with others? The answer, unlike the advice of many self-help, self-improvement, and various psycho-babble-focused treatises, is more clear than you might think.
Galatians, the little six chapter book tucked way in the New Testament, has our answer. Honestly, I don’t know of any better look at how we find our way to intimacy, depth, and vibrance in relationship and in life in general. This little book, a book on living free in the reality of who God has made us, offers much. Within this little gem, in chapter 5, we find our answer…and our problem.
Galatians 5:22 “…the fruit of the spirit (the character of God made manifest in our lives as we know and follow Him) is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”
Look at those words, take them in, again and again and again. Any time I feel my attitude drifting a bit and my stress level rising, I open to this passage and just absorb it. Who does not want that? Seriously. Love? Want some? Joy? Want some? Peace? Patience? Kindness? Goodness? Faithfulness? Gentleness? Self-control? As much as you and I crave them, others long to see them in us. Our kids, our spouses, our co-workers, our doubles partners, our church families, our checkout clerks, …everyone longs to see these traits in us. Deep down we long to demonstrate them. But how?
The key is it must be a “fruit” of our lives, imparted to us within the context of our relationship with Him. We can’t, fully, engage in this kind of life conduct without a deep and meaningful knowledge of God. Its not a ladder or good people self-help tool. You can’t fake this. Its just not going to happen. People try though. They would rather have character on their terms rather than transformation on God’s terms. And our culture, largely, does not want this at all. We are programmed, and encouraged by our culture to live in ways that directly oppose this kind of behavior. If you doubt this, look at the words in Galatians just previous to these where we are given those “works of the flesh” which deteriorate our hearts and destroy human intimacy. We are told to run from, abandon, refuse this kind of pattern.
Galatians 5:19-21 “sexual immorality (as opposed to faithfulness), impurity (contrasted to pure love and goodness), sensuality (contrary to love, faithfulness, goodness, self-control), idolatry (a self-focus or thing focus contrasted to a singular God-focus), sorcery (a lack of clarity on how destructive evil is and a corresponding enticement therein, if not a full out reveling in it). Now, lets pause here. Surely, most of us would say, “Sure, that’s never going to work!” We all understand that, or should understand, that these things destroy people and relationships. They, somehow, astonishingly, entertain our culture and dominate our viewing interests, however. We pay, and Hollywood makes billions on the promotion of these very things. And we wonder why our culture is so lost and our kids so messed up so early and so severely. But wait, look even closer.
Strategically nestled in these words, and intentionally placed there, the writer continues, inspired by God, to list more realities which are in direct opposition to life in the Spirit and relational wholeness. For those that have managed to avoid the illicit sex, unmarried sex, habitual lust, a pattern of immodest and sensual self-promotion, false worship, comfort with evil, and the “orgies” which close the passage, you must note the central activities, some 9 of them, placed right in the middle of this passage.
The writer, focusing the reader upon things that destroy lives, relationships, and faith, suggesting these things are “self-evident” (obvious), goes on to call out the following:
“enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of rage, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness…” Look again, clearly he is highlighting something we need to hear with regard to emotions and conduct. Most of the characteristics listed here have their operation in the land of mind, emotion, willful action, and use of the tongue. Enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of rage, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy…these all have to do with a heart and mind not at rest with a steady faithfulness in the provision and love of God in all ways and in all things. We fight, yell, throw fits, stay divisive, and are fueled by envy, jealousy and rage because we have not allowed the Spirit of God to deal deeply in our souls and convince us of His over-riding goodness. We abuse others in so many ways because we don’t know the grace of God in abundance. We strike out because we have not been assured that God is our all, and we refuse to see that those we are interacting with need Him and His love and gentleness above all. Its all about us, and if we are not given what we desire in the moment, we will let people have it! God says, “Its obvious, these are works of the flesh, akin to orgies, adultery, false worship and witchcraft!” “Get rid of it, now.”, He commands.
Why is God so strong about such things? Because He is so utterly committed to people. HE DIED FOR US, and for those we are at strife with. His love is so radical and transformative that it enrages Him when His kids are mistreated by others, and when they mistreat others. He so longs for love, peace, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control to be the defining realities for us that He literally gave all of Himself in order that we might know Him and His character, and walk in it. He knows this is the only roadmap possible to inner and outer wholeness. Salvation is not a “get out of jail free” card. Its about a complete and defining life transformation. Its about newness here and now, not just about eternity. Communities, families, nations, and global societies are enriched by such pristine love and interaction. It is the works of the flesh which lead to our crime, divorce, wars, psychosis, and general decline globally. How could anyone doubt the difference such character would make on this planet if we all could live this way consistently? It would be transformative in a huge way.
So, here is the task…try it now. Try it in your family, today. Respond to all manner of treatment and difficulty with the fruit of the Spirit. Try it at work. Try it when the brutally handsome client or drop dead gorgeous woman walks into the office or the winsome co-worker flirts. Stay God-focused. Stay faithful in heart and mind, to God first, then to your spouse and family. When the deal calls you to worship the dollar and drop your Spirit-living, don’t. When enemies attack and accuse and point, respond in gentleness and peace and self-control. When you get the invite from your ladies or guy friends to hit the watering hole or dance club, don’t. Turn away from a culture of drunkenness, flirtation, and sensuality, and place yourself in settings where the love of God and the joy of the Spirit will define, build, and secure your heart and that of others. When you are struggling with your singleness or your miserable marriage, don’t follow the shallow words and advice of your “friends” who point you away from God’s goodness and patience and plan. Everywhere you go today, in all you do, no matter who you are with…live in the Spirit. It will make a world of difference. Done consistently it will transform your life, your loves, your relationships, your world. That is the promise of God. That is life in the Spirit.
Get after it, go get it,
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
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5. November 2010 by BruceSmith.
The Encounter
John 4– One of the most vivid and inspiring stories in all of scripture, from my perspective, and timeless. I’ve written and preached on it many times and in many different ways, and find something new every time. I pray the words below, the reality of the true story, grip and inspire you.
The picture, old as it may seem, it quite current. A man, piercing goodness radiating from his eyes, pristine purity in his touch, sincerity of motive and desire clear in his heart, and life giving truth rolling off his tongue. A woman, … of the world. Just hours prior, waking late after a long night, her “husband” already gone, on her way to do the errands, she stopped in for a visit on another “friend”, a male friend, to fix her incessant craving for a man’s touch and words of “approval”.
The background, neither old nor new, has been a constant since the beginning of time. Sometimes the gender is reversed, perhaps, but that’s another story. This story, presented in scripture (John 4), told by the firsthand witnesses of this man in the encounter, is about a good man, and a woman convinced of her own goodness, yet lost in her own misery. Where did this encounter really begin? We have to go back. Way back.
In this culture, in this time, her daddy, like so many others, was the center of the universe, hers, and the culture’s. Men, in this day and place, could just about do anything, say anything, conduct themselves in any way they wanted as it pertained to females. This was true even if the female were his own wife or daughter. They, wives and daughters, were there to serve and obey and not make too much trouble.
The difficulty came in when, realizing she was neither the apple of his eye nor even wanted, she turned to other places, mostly men, for the love she craved. Her mother, dealing with her own damage, was little help and even less a source of emotional or spiritual nourishment for this little lost one. Over the years, never having known what manhood looked like, and forgoing her responsibility to search that truth out for herself, she went the route of many, and embraced the soap opera still writ large in cultures across the globe today.
If the love of that one man would not be given to her, then she would somehow, in her distorted thinking, make up for it or find it in fractured pieces of many other men along the way. So, in high school, when others were being brought up “in the way” of the religious families, she went the way of the carnal clan. Fun would be her opiate to hide the pain of pappa. ”Love”, loosely defined, would be the balm to mask her sense of loss. The strategy involved a serial and compulsive hunger for more of both. As the pain deepened, the cravings enlarged. Some sex was not enough, it had to be all sex, all the time. A man, all of them broken, of course, would not be the fix, more men, and more, and more, was her only hope. As each one said, occasionally, not enough to her liking, but somehow enough for the moment, all the right things she longed to hear, each man became a little portion of daddy for a short while, which she so desperately needed. Along the way, she would tell each one, for the brief time they met her needs, how “happy” she was, how “perfect” they were, how she “never wanted it to end”. And then, quickly, unexpectedly but certainly foreseeable, often before they quit her, it would be over.
The current which ran through all the fun and all the broken relationships, was, of course, a river raging with carnality, reaction, confusion, thirst, violence, betrayal, emotional famine, and soul dehydration. Daddy was not offered, but had he been, what she did not see or consider, he would not have been enough for her heart either. The years following the gaping hole of a loving father were terse with pain and disappointment. The cycle of relationships only served to highlight, rather than relieve, the real love that was hungered for. Longing for one real love, and never having really searched out honestly how to find it, it was common for her to juggle multiple loves at one time, always assuring each love that they were the one. Living under that pressure of course, only left the psyche open to a deepening sense of despair and havoc, which in turn, expectedly, led to relationships defined by strife, jealously, madness. The sheer volume of craving and furious longing for wholeness contributed to an all out fight with all who were not equipped to bring the cure. The disease was so profound, and the suitors so lost themselves, there could not possibly be an escape. The cycle had hardened, as did her heart.
Enter, The Man. A new man. A whole man. A true man. An honest man. A loving man. A chaste man. A ferocious lover, soul-lover of a man. A healing man. A man of freedom. A man of poise. A man of character. A man of hope. A man of heart-enlarging dreams. A man for all seasons. A man for all time. A man who loved women, all women, rightly. A man who loved no woman wrongly. A truth-teller. A heart- igniter. A lust killer. A pain soother. A non-user. A rage quieter. A void filler. A peacemaker. A forgiver. A tender-hearted friend. A man of Grace. A man of salvation. A man able to renew.
All these years, this broken, hurting, and self-deceiving girl, having never grown up, had never encountered such a man or even known one existed. Rather than doing the work of looking for something so splendidly unique, she settled for the calloused and self-interested hands of a male mirage. She had always blamed it on others, her daddy mostly, but always it was the man’s fault. She had never seen the twisted darkness suffocating her soul like a wet blanket. She had refused to let the bitterness die. She would not admit that daddy would never have been enough. She did not take responsibility for her part in the madness of her “romantic” pursuits and broken mind. Attempting to be wooed back to health by any who would catch her, most any who would catch her eye, she drowned, died a violent and convulsive death, in the stolen waters of sexual and relational degradation.
And now this man? As she was going about her day, still in the throws of the chaos, she encountered the one she had heard rumors about in the village. She, on occasion, had thought to herself, “Could there be such a man? Should I go see what they are talking about?” She listened to the story about this man a time or two as she gossiped with her girlfriends at the well. But she dismissed it. No one man, she was convinced, would be enough ever again. Eventually, she would find enough pieces to her broken puzzle as she fitted her jigsaw of men together. Each would contribute something, and eventually all those lousy failures would add up to healing. The girls she once new, who once joined in the fray with her, despite their new stories of freedom, were just crazy. She was a self-made woman of the world, she would make her own way, and use anyone better than they could use her.
The Man. The one she had heard about. There he was. At the well? And looking at her? More precisely, looking into her? What of this? What does he want? What can he offer me, she thought. He’s somewhat handsome, strong of body, not a bad looker. Perhaps, this could be a piece to the puzzle as well, she murmured to herself.
And then, breaking every cultural taboo, the man approached her. Bold. Scary. Confusing. Where is this going? Could I enjoy him more than my husband (her current husband)? Just as that thought passed through her mind, he drew closer, extended his hand, and introduced himself. Weird, she thought. There is no twinkle, no hint of flirt in his eyes. Dressed to attract, she was a bit unsettled. What’s this about? Is he blind? Does he not see what every other man who “sees” me sees? Again, just as this thought ran through her mind, she saw in his eyes that indeed he did see her. He really saw her, the deepest part of her. As he talked and as he looked, she felt as though she was being seen, actually seen, for the first time in her life. She longed to be seen like that by her father. And she had settled for far less from so many men who only saw her body. Sure they said differently, she was aware, but she knew the reality, and she played the game enthusiastically. She gladly had showed it, that body, to many, all of it, but it somehow never translated to the kind of experience and vision she lusted for in the deepest sense. Strange. She was beginning to want this man, but not that way. And he clearly wanted her, but not like any other man she had given herself to. He wanted, apparently, something good for her, and had no interest in any self gain.
Now this man was looking at her, in really gazing into her, and was speaking with her, but actually into her heart. What she so desperately looked for in so many before, in the fleeting and carnal attempts at romance, she was finding in a short few minutes with this man she had heard about. How is this possible?
And then the encounter really expanded, in scope, and in reach. Assured of his purity of intention, and convinced that the look in his eyes was genuine concern, she opened her heart to the words he began to offer. ”You, thirsty one, parched from a life of desert dwelling and chasing after mirages, have come to this well dirty, and in need of a cleansing drink.” Struck, stammering, but somehow honest with herself for the first time, she allowed him to continue. And so he did, “You have lived your life, squandered your life, chasing after stolen waters, and have, as the scriptures say, brought heaps of fire into your lap.” Continuing, “The waters you thought would quench your pain only serve to deepen your misery and despair. The men, the many men, including your current husband, one in a line of many, have not and will never fill the void that is so obvious in you.” How does he know? she thinks. But all her defense is now gone. The truth is coming alive for the first time, and somehow, she is not running away this go round. He spoke again, “Your countenance bespeaks your life of internal tragedy. You have nothing living inside you. Your soul is a dry and brittle land, barren.” A tear falls from her left eye, she lets it roll and work its healing magic. These new tears, she recognizes, acknowledgments of truth, seem, somehow, to heal even as they reveal. She wants more.
The Man, love in his eyes, continues, “All the hurt inflicted upon you, all the strife you have blamed on others, all the pain you think you have fallen victim to, all the loss you have experienced, it all will continue until you drink from a source that will never leave you thirsting for more. This present marriage, without a new source of life, will fail like all the others. Your inability to deny yourself all the fleshly desires and impulses that are aflame within you, and which pile on guilt after guilt, will never be healed, unless and until you drink from the well of life, which, unlike this well here, has a never ending spiritual source (and now the punch line) WITHIN ME. ”
Did he just say He is my answer? She had seen and been attracted to confident men before. This is not that though, she is aware. Its not an invitation to a date? Its not an appeal to steal me away for a night, a week, or a month? What is this? Then she caught herself, her soul pierced by his true eyes, “NO. This is really different. This man is what they have been talking about! He tells me things about my self I hid from everyone, even myself. He tells me the truth about myself, and he, somehow, unlike any, LOVES me?!” The thought hit her with a force she had never experienced. ”I am loved?!” ”Really loved?!”
There it was. For the first time in her life. The thing she craved and never really found, despite all the promises, notes, texts (they did that on rocks back then I guess), voicemails, and cards, …here it is! This is too good to be true!, she thought. And then she realized it was so good because it was true. The truth, the truth about herself, and the truth about God’s love, the truth about this man, Jesus, had now led her to lasting goodness. Daddy became smaller in the face of this man. There is more than daddy. There is more than earthly approval. To be wanted by This Man here is more settling than anything.
In an instant, at that instant, despite all proclamations she had made before in order to protect her psyche, she realized she was not good, not whole, not able to extend or receive real love, and here she was tasting the very thing she searched the world over for for so many decades. Never having defined reality before, never having experienced anything close to this before, she asked for this water springing up to eternal life. She somehow new that, then, right there, her daddy could not love her because he had not experienced, deeply, the love of this Man. She somehow realized, amidst this man’s promise of grace, that she had never actually loved or been loved before, despite all the attempts. The compass, internally, was being reset in an instant. The pain of the past, while still there, somehow, was being washed over in a new reality of rest and peace. The hurt of others and the hurt inflicted upon others was now being given to The Man, God in the flesh, the only man who could right her direction. She sensed that in an instant, and over time, this man could lead her back to health and hope.
As the reality set in, the new life begun, she could not sit still. She had to tell someone, anyone, everyone. As she ran through her village, smiling and weeping at once, they all thought she was a bit loony. Isn’t that the girl who was just a part of that episode outside her house the other night at 2 a.m.? Isn’t that the loose girl we try to keep our sons away from? Isn’t that the girl with the chip on her shoulder? Isn’t that the girl who has been married so many times? What is she up to now?!
But this time, as she made her way through the village, something was discernibly different. This was not, they came to see, the reckless residue from another night of partying. No, this was a different woman. They noticed her whole countenance was different. Her smile was genuine, not sarcastic. Her gait was restful, not a parade of pomp and sensuality. Her tone was somehow softened and compassionate. Her rhetoric was about truly good things, not gossip and triviality. She has been changed! As they listened, they came to realize it was not because her daddy took her back in, it was not because she finally found the “Mr. Right” she always told people she would find, and it was not because she had gotten rid of another lousy husband or found a new playmate. NO. This time, they came to see, she had gone to draw water at the well, and she had found water welling up to spiritual newness, inner health, relational healing, humble self-awareness, and God-centered love. As the story spread, as her newness became increasingly new, many more were added to the club, a new club, and many more found The Man, Jesus, the only man, God in the flesh, who can actually secure a hurting heart.
Jesus. The Man. He is the one who can transform our hurt and loss. Only He is enough for us. Relational health, and earthly abiding love, begins with an encounter of His transformative touch. Only as we remain with Him at the well, taking more in daily, do we find ourselves with the ability to live consistently, extending the kind of sweetness of character He inspires. The carnal mind (fleshly, worldly) is the mind that pursues anger, bitterness, false loves, empty dreams, endless pleasure, self-protection, vengeance, and all manner of brokenness. The heart filled with the love of The Man is the one that lives a consistent, changed, and compelling life that inspires others, encourages the people close to us, and makes a real difference in our communities and in the world. May God give us a continual encounter with Him.
Encounter, behold, The Man,
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
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4. November 2010 by BruceSmith.
Dear Bruce,
I’ve been on a quest for healing for some time now. My home life growing up was not all that great. Actually, it was a mess. I never knew how much it impacted my life till much later, in college and beyond, and sadly, still as an older adult. I grew up around strife and hurt, and over the years I’ve contributed my own measure of strife and pain in all of my relationships. I’m honestly craving health in my own mind and heart, and in my relationships. I just can’t seem to get there.
So, here is the question, one of many I have actually. How do I stop living always feeling as though I’ve been hurt (I seem to think everything is intended as a threat to me), and how do I get control of my inner world in a way that would help me to interact with others in a life-giving and consistent way?
I expect your answer to fix all of this real quick! LOL
Thanks,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I like the name, by the way :)) How did your parents choose it? Ha. Actually, the name fits the letter well, because there are so many “anonymous” folks in your shoes. As I have lived as an adult, and for several years as a single adult not too long ago, one of the striking realities that hit me a bit unexpectedly (despite being in ministry for some 20 years and seeing it all) is the reality of how pervasive deep and life-affecting pain and dysfunction is for so many. Let me be clear, we are ALL broken in various ways, as the scripture teaches, and that is why we all need God and must walk with Him intimately. But some, many, too many, have such a stronghold on their lives that consistent ongoing vitality is difficult for them.
The past. Oh, the past. Its sad and profound how far into the future past pains extend, is it not? I am no psychotherapist (and don’t actually aspire to be), but I have had my share of counseling courses throughout my theology education. One thing I have learned, and lived, is that if pain is not dealt with early, it only sets in harder and faster. I believe this is why so many therapists try to “go back” and discover the root of pain and dysfunction. Too many people leave these pains unresolved for years, decades, life times even. If pain is not acknowledged, processed, and let go, of it has a severe and distorting affect upon us. The pain of abuse by a family member, the pain of betrayal, the pain of all sorts of brokenness, left completely unresolved, will insure a lifelong struggle with denial, reactive protectionism, and destructive emotional realities.
Divorce annals are littered with “irreconcilable differences” stemming from unreconciled pasts, and persistent patterns of pain. We attempt to submerge the past rather than deal with it and allow God to actually have it. We are compulsively obsessed with the thought that maybe we can actually heal our own pain. Perhaps we can fun it away, sex it away, buy it away, hurt it away, protect it away, hit others first, betray others first, strike out first, run out first, …so, we try, and try, and try. In the end, because we have not owned the reality that God wants to teach us, through His son, how to walk through our pain appropriately, we listen to those inner voices of madness, the voices of “friends”, the “counsel” of secular therapists, the messages of a media driven society, the pull of culture, … and we only wind up more bitter and embattled than ever.
The key to living victorious over your past pain, or present pain for that matter, is to admit you were hurt, and to admit you hurt others. Sounds simple and yet confusing right? We try NOT to do this, really. We pursue life, trying to act as if the hurt did not happen, thereby, trying to rid ourselves of the damage by denying it. That won’t work. Or we live our lives viewing every difficult relational issue through the distorted lens of a victim. We are always the victim. Its always someone doing us wrong. We are, after all, so well intended. Our hyper-protectionism and defense is justified in our minds because, it has to be true, that everything others say or do is an affront to our very existence. We assume intentions for people wether realistic or not. When we live like this, despite our craving for deep affection and abiding relationship, we scare people away, we run them away, we crush them under the weight of our inner pain and struggle. The best of people, the most committed of people, family or friends, cannot carry our pain for us. And the favorite motto of all deeply hurt and hurtful people, “Just love me as I am!” won’t cut the mustard. Unconditional love is a virtue of God, and one we should aspire to. However, it is also a clear biblical reality that the lovely attract love, and loving-kindness is central to intimacy and relationship, not only between people, but between God and His children as well. If we want to experience ongoing and consistent loving-kindness, we must consistently extend it to others. The only way to do this is to let God have our pain. Let Him show us how deeply hurtful we are to others. And allow Him to infuse us with a new perspective on life, and to build the fruit of the Spirit within us.
The new perspective is simply this. Life sucks. But, life is grand as well. Life, as Jesus Himself experienced, will bring betrayal and pain our way. That’s not a negotiable reality. It will happen, regularly. It is also true, with God, and with Godly character growing in us, that we can, amidst the mess, experience the grand love of God and extend that to others. None of us has a right to a problem free life. Only Jesus had that right because He was perfect, and He did not get a problem free reality, not even close. Our journey is marred, first, because WE are marred. Stop looking at the brokenness of others and deceiving yourself into believing you are so good and everyone else has it all wrong. You are a wreck. We all, apart from God, are wrecks. The real problem is, even long after coming to God, too many carry the wreckage along with them and never let it go. Or they make a little progress, and then say to others, “See, I have changed. Now that’s enough, just accept me.” That won’t work either. We must live from a posture of humble acceptance of our brokenness, walking every step in the reality of grace, and thankful that God loves us despite ourselves. God never loved anyone because of them. He loves us all because He loves us all. Period. The sooner we relinquish the idea that a false image of goodness (a pain coping mechanism), our own goodness, will protect us or will elevate ourselves in our own eyes despite our deep rejection from others, the better off we will be. Many attempt to view themselves as a super worker, super lover, super athlete, super spouse, super friend, super this and super that, in order to help themselves cope amidst the deep sense of not measuring up. They hunger for others to tell them how good they are, often because someone in the past told them the opposite. This is especially true for those who did not get love from a parent or spouse. These people seem set on letting everyone know just how awesome they really are. Its like they are screaming, “Can’t you see it! Please, tell me you see it!” They fail to see how deeply loved by God they are despite being such a mess, and all their love is tenuous because they can’t love others from this distorted perspective. If you feel you have to convince yourself how awesome you are in order to feel loved by yourself and others, how can you possibly love others appropriately while viewing the reality of their own mess and failure? What happens is we actually project some unrealistic view of living upon everyone we meet and we are always mad and angry because they don’t meet our expectation for a given situation. Then we harken back to the past, remember how others treated us, go emotionally awol, and strike out, demand, defend, and abuse others emotionally, relationally, and otherwise. We are loved, not because we deserve it. We don’t. Never did. Never will. This is the nature of the God-humankind relationship. He reached down to us. We did not climb the “good” ladder to Him. He pulled us up from our grave morally and spiritually. We did not bring Him down to us. Its His initiative that makes us new and allows us to experience and extend love, real love, regularly, while at peace and rest.
Anonymous, you are loved by God. You have not been loved perfectly by others. You never will be. Neither have you loved God or others appropriately. No love you experience this side of heaven will fix all the love you craved early in your life and still crave today. God loves you not because you deserve it, but because He is love. Revel in His grace (unmerited extension of ridiculous love), and then because you truly know He loves you completely, despite yourself, go love others the same way. Love them from a place of grace. Extend unmerited love to others. Expect others never to measure up to your ideas at every turn, and love the heck out of them from a place of rest and peace. At rest in this truth we relate to our kids, spouses, co-workers, baristas, those in traffic, bankers, friends, enemies, and others, in a way that speaks of the love of God. Remember, Jesus said it, the two big things we MUST do, to live in a thriving way, is to love God with all our hearts, mind, soul, and strength, and to then to walk in God shaped love with others.
Jesus said of Himself that His mission was to heal the broken-hearted, to give sight to the blind (spiritually and physically), to set free the prisoner (literal and psychological), and to give abundant life to all who would fully embrace Him and walk in His ways. Tell Him He is enough, love others as if God is enough and recognize they never will be, free yourself from the burden you carry by putting it all into His arms and thanking Him that He redeems our brokenness and will actually turn it around and use it for good. You will know you have done this when you come to a point that loving interaction is consistent, flows from a relaxed and almost unconscious place deep within, and the level of intimacy, ongoing, with others around you, is more vital and consistent. He is able to accomplish this.
He is enough,
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
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