You are currently browsing the archives for the Dear Bruce category.
19. August 2009 by BruceSmith.
A LOVE WORTH HAVING
Dear Bruce,
I have a relationship question. I am “middle-aged”, now single, have been in an out of relationships too many times, and am searching for something real, lasting, and fulfilling. I have tried to be so many different things in so many different relationships that I am not sure who I am or who I am supposed to be. I have also looked for so many different things in various men that I am not sure what I am to be looking for in a man anymore. I am tired of the dating scene, its shallow and selfish pursuits, and I want a family, a true family more than anything. How do I find it?
Thanks for your help,
Sally
Sally,
Thank you for being so open and honest about your search. Because we live in a culture where too many are looking for all the wrong things it can be hard to see through the fog and find meaningful relationships. As a single dad of three myself, and also “middle aged”, I can relate to your desires and questions. Because I believe the family is the center of God’s plan for us, I am going to take some time to answer your question.
I think the answer is simple, but not easy. First of all, we have to be willing to ask ourselves, “Am I the kind of person who, by virtue of who I am and what I pursue, that would attract the kind of mate that would be a loving, mature, and lasting partner?” It begins with me, in other words. Second, we have to know what that partner should look like from an internal perspective. That is to say, we need to know what kind of person is best set up for meaningful, rich, deep, nurturing love. There are characteristics which lend themselves to relational fulfillment. The problem is, too few of us strive to be that kind of person. And far to few of us look for relationships with those kinds of people.
So, let me point you to a passage in the Bible, usually referenced as a character survey for women, but which in reality, is a passage filled with wisdom for both men and women. Its Proverbs 31, and is usually referred to as the passage which describes the Woman of Noble Character or the Woman of Godly Character or the Woman Who Fears the Lord.
Proverbs 31, which no doubt, describes a truly beautiful and desirable woman, actually points to the kind of manhood which is ideal as well. In fact, the part of the proverb which is most often ignored (the first 9 verses) is character building wisdom for a man. The proverb, which is self described as an oracle, the words of King Lemuel, taught to him by his mother, is a profound call to wisdom for both men and women when it comes to relationships and what we are to seek out.
This mother, whose goal it was to see her son married and happy, communicates values to her son which are still exceedingly relevant today. First off, she begins with a question that anyone who has teenagers will be familiar with, “What are you doing?!!!”
Its a question of perplexed frustration. The son has missed it, and now she is going to set him straight on what it means to be a man and what he should be looking for in a woman. She is telling her son, “You are an immature boy, looking for all the wrong kind of women. Stop already! If you want to be happy and fulfilled, listen up! I am going to tell you who you need to be and what kind of woman you should be looking for.”
First off she tells her son not to give his strength to women or his ways to women who destroy kings. In the jargon of our day she is saying stop jumping in and out of bed with everyone you meet. You, like many a man, many a politician, and so many others, are going to be ruined by your reckless fun. She is telling her son to keep his pants on. Sexual promiscuity leads to nothing but empty, confused, and broken relationships. Problems galore, a lack of trust and trustworthiness, and internal conflicts are the reward.
She then goes on to tell her son, if he is to be a man worthy of relationships then he must have a focus on the needs of others. “Get over yourself!”, she is telling him. One of the marks of manhood is compassion for others, and a generous spirit toward other human beings. Contrary to the messages of our day, otherness is a virtue desirable in a man. The man who only wants to dominate, control, win at all costs, and promote himself, is nothing more than an overgrown toddler. Real men, men worth pursuing, are full of love, devotion, caring, gentleness, and truth. “Be a man!”, the wise mother is telling her son. Fight for the lives of the downtrodden, give yourself and your treasure to lift others up, do good, pursue righteousness, help the poor, care for the widow, use your position and speak up for the needy.
This is a wise mother. She knows that if her boy will be this kind of man, then his chances of attracting the wife of noble character will increase exponentially. With that in mind, she turns her attention to the kind of woman her son should desire.
Verses 10–31 of Proverbs 31 do indeed offer a wonderful picture of the most desirable of women. Honestly, I don’t know a sincere and Godly man who, if he was who God was calling him to me, would not hunger and thirst for this kind of woman. The woman described by this loving mother is one that every man should look for and invest himself in. Let’s take a look at her.
First off, mom says, “There are very few of these women out there, son. You are going to have to take your time, and look far and wide.” Verse one reads, “An excellent wife who can find?” Sobering, and true. There are very few of these, as there are too few real men. Her point is clear, a women worth marrying will take time and effort to find, and a man must be determined, patient, and resolute. Women, you must recognize how precious you will become as a person and as a desirable mate as you commit yourself to the Proverbs 31 model. In fact, mom goes on to tell her son just this. “She is far more precious than jewels”.
This mom, who hungers for her son to know lasting love, is telling him just how unique a Godly woman is. She is of inestimable worth. Nothing compares.
“You won’t find her, son, in the local party house, the bar scene, the strip club, and the other places you have been looking. She is not the women you see on TV, she is not the fantasy you see on the internet. Those women are a dime a dozen. This woman, the woman worth having is giving herself to other things while the rest are just following the crowd. Like a treasure hunter searching for fine jewels, you must seek her out in the right places.”
So, from here the wise mother goes on to describe the wife worth having for her son. Notice, first off, however, that she begins with the foundation of trust. After telling her son that few of these women exist, and after raising the bar on her high value, her first statement is this, “The heart of her husband trusts in her”. Wow.
Men, do you want a life of depth, contentment, and meaning when it comes to relationships? Find the woman, the rare woman, who will fill you with trust. When you find her, do the same for her. Women, do you want to live in the kind of lasting and passionate love most people only dream of? Then build yourself into the woman of God described here, and build a foundation of trust beneath your man. You don’t get there by allowing relational lines to be blurred. You don’t get there allowing flirting any room in your life. Your love, commitment and intentions must be honest and clear.
The next few verses describe this noble wife’s commitment to her family. She rises early to care for her family. She does her part to make sure the family knows that they are her priority. She works to insure that her first aim is the contentment of those around her, and she takes joy in the process of providing this kind of dedication to her family. Her household is the place of her deepest longing.
We are also told in the following verses that she uses her mind and her resources wisely. Her time is used for good, her money for accomplishing the goals of the family, and she longs to meet the needs of others. This is a picture of a women who is out from in front of the TV and active in the lives her family, of others and her community. She is expanding her intellect, her business and relational acumen, and she is creative and artistic. She is living life to the full and doing it in the context of family life and community building. She is caring for the poor and needy like the man of character. Can you imagine the power of a man and woman on the same page with these things?
We are told also that she pays attention to her appearance. She, apparently, knows how to select fine garments, and she and her family are looking pretty dapper by biblical world standards. She has taste, and she takes care of her body and appearance. But beyond that, verse 25 suggests that her real clothing is “strength and dignity”. She apparently dresses with an eye toward beauty, but also modesty and class. She is viewed as that rare unique woman who just gets it in the right balance. Her beauty is there, but she is not calling people, by her presentation, to merely view her physically.
Verse 25 also suggests she is a woman not overcome by worry, “She laughs at things to come”. This is the picture of a woman who trusts that the future is in God’s hands. She is a model of trusting faith. Verse 26 suggests she speaks with wisdom, and kindness is the defining virtue of her speech. She is a woman whose manner and speech is restrained, and void of useless verbage. She is a picture of and a mouthpiece of grace and dignity. Her tongue is used to build up and to enrich the lives of others. She is not coarse or harsh. Grace in all things.
What is the payoff for such a life? The wise mother, again, answers the question for her son in verse 28, “Her children rise up and called her blessed”. A woman who lives this way will draw attention, the attention of onlookers, and the inspired attention of her children. Again, she is rare, too rare, and so we all take note of her. Moreover, the mom suggests to her son, “Her husband also, he praises her”. Men, I will tell you, real men, Godly men, are undone by this kind of woman. She is irresistible in the right context. She cannot be ignored. She will be pursued, and by the right man, in the right way. Husbands will long for their wives who live this way.
Sally, the goal for each of us, men and women, is to be the person He has called us to be. We are not perfect, and we certainly will not attain all of this in every situation all the time. But the tone of our lives and our aim shines through in all we do and say. If our passion is to be these things described in Proverbs 31 then we are far more likely to draw the kind of person to ourselves that will enable us to experience the kind of married life God had in mind from the beginning.
The extent to which we live in this reality will largely determine the kind of relational life we have. We live in a culture which tells us to look a certain way, dress a certain way, give ourselves freely, make it about us, and live for the moment. The wise mother instructs her children and all of us to live for a higher calling.
There are many fish in the sea, as has been said. There are many physically attractive or otherwise attractive potential partners out there. However, beauty fades and charm is deceitful as verse 30 suggests. “…but a woman who loves and pursues the Lord is to be praised (and sought)”. This is the message of this remarkable mom for her son in Proverbs 31. The son is to long to be a real man, and he is to search for that rare and surpassingly beautiful woman of God if he is to experience true relational fulfillment.
Sally, if you want all you seem to want, you need to look no further than Proverbs 31 for a roadmap. Look for the man who is more than an overgrown toddler, and be the woman worth pursuing. I am betting, in so doing, you will find a love for the ages.
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
soulstormsite.com
Posted in Dear Bruce | 1 Comment »
21. July 2009 by BruceSmith.
Dear Bruce,
I have teenagers! Help! O.k., seriously, I am a single mom, have teenagers, college students, and have been wrestling with how I offer my kids reasonable freedom and yet draw Godly boundaries as well. How do I find the balance between allowing them to work out their faith, and yet keep good goals, direction, and focus in front of them? When they were much younger I set guidelines for entertainment, activities with friends, how we conduct ourselves in the home and elsewhere, etc., but now that they are near adulthood, I find it harder to know where my role should be strong, and where I have to let them go it alone. I want to be a friend to them, but realize I also need to be a leader and parent for them. Any pointers?
Thanks,
Samantha
Samantha,
I have to tell you, it is encouraging to get such a letter from a reader. I wish all parents were eager and ready to fulfill the role you are embracing wholeheartedly. First of all, your goal seems to be right on track, and I think you have a pretty good compass for the task. You seem to realize that as your kids are growing into adulthood, you have to give them some freedom (with input) to find their own way. Many parents make the mistake of doing one of two things: 1. they totally control every movement of their kids or 2. they let the kids do whatever they want with no input.
Parents that choose the former option run the risk of setting up their kids for bitterness, rebellion or dependency. Parents that choose the later route run the risk of setting up their kids for a no holds barred approach to life, thought, and conduct. The key is to balance between giving Godly counsel, direction, and feedback, while allowing them to process and work through how that feedback/direction impacts how they live. You have to share with them why life according to God’s plan is the best way to fulfillment, and you have to give them room to learn that as they apply it or fail to apply it. Cheer them on when they get it right, exercise discipline, correction, and grace when they don’t.
Parents who give no boundaries to older teenagers and college students are allowing the culture, friends, and other influences to direct their kids. That never works out well! Parents who control every movement for older teens and college students are forcing their kids to live a life they have not chosen on their own. That does not work either! Openness about our own failures and lessons learned as parents can be helpful, and a willingness to hear and be compassionate with our kids when they fail is critical. We have to affirm God’s best, and we have to affirm our kid’s individuality and personal responsibility. And when big moments come, and major crossroads are at stake, we have to make it very clear, plain, direct, and convincing. We cannot afford to be so hands off that we allow our kids to get too far down a broken path, one where recovery becomes exceedingly hard and damage is severe. This is true of any good relationship by the way. Be attentive, aware, and engaged. Get in their face when you need to…it is loving.
Above all, our own lives must be a proper reflection of the life God calls all people to live. He does have standards. His standards are life giving and are there to set us free for a full life. Someone recently said to me, “When God gives us a commandment He is setting us free!” That is completely true. To the extent our lives demonstrate this, it is more likely that our kids will run toward such a life. Personally, I came to faith and became convinced of the life of faith after watching authentic christians live fulfilling lives over a period of years. In my teen years it became clear to me, “That is the life I want.”
As our kids see the joy, contentment, peacefulness, and pleasure of living a life that honors God, in us as parents, they will be increasingly drawn to Him and His agenda for them. So, ask yourself if you are living the kind of life He has called you to first of all. Does your everyday life clearly match up with the life you encourage them to live? Does the person you present on Sunday at church match the person you are in daily life? To the extent it does, again, your kids and young adults will want more of it. Is your aim to live according to God’s standard for speech, entertainment, relationships, work ethic, community building, church involvement, etc.? Again, your kids notice these things. And they are quick to point out the inconsistencies!
Parenting is a pleasure, and a responsibility. Be aware of this, and allow your kids to know you understand this. They need to know you take pleasure in the task, in them, and they need to know you are responsible before God to direct them, care for them, and lead them. Ultimately, you answer to God for how you lead your kids.
Its hard to realize they have grown up and are about to be out on their own. I am living through that reality now with older teenagers. Do all you can in light of God’s truth, pray for them, love them, extend grace to them, and be there for them. And then, trust that God is the one who loves them even more than you, and the one who is with them every step of the way calling them, leading them, correcting them, and drawing them.
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
Posted in Dear Bruce | No Comments »
3. July 2009 by BruceSmith.
Dear Bruce,
I am new to faith, excited about my new life in Christ, and eager to live the life God has for me. I wonder, however, what is it I am aiming for? What is the Christian life supposed to look like, feel like, be like? Some Christians I know live lives that look no different than people I know who never go to Church, and some seem to have it all together. I want the life God has for me, and I realize for the first time in my life that the life of pleasure and self I have been living is actually empty, self-defeating, and completely me centered. This new life is one I am thankful for and thrilled to be living. Just looking for a little direction now that I am on this journey. Where do I go from here?
Thanks.
Great question, love the attitude and desire. First, let me remind you that the Christian life is not about climbing some moral ladder to God. All of us are so far removed from His standard of excellence and perfection, even people like Billy Graham and Mother Theresa, that we have no hope. Only through Christ’s death on the cross, God’s grace, are we able to have a relationship with God and be in proper standing before Him.
Now, with that clear, here are a few more clues which I hope will help you. First off, the Christian life is about a true inward change. The bible says that when we come honestly to God and ask Him to take over our lives we become new creatures. The bible literally says, “The old is gone, and behold all things have become new.” This means that if a soul has indeed been changed and been found in relationship with God, new things happen. It is very much like the transformation of a catapilar into a butterfly. Once, the being was a ground crawling or tree crawling creature with little ability other than to sting and hurt others. Once transformed, however, that dangerous creature becomes a work of flight and art which gives beauty to its surroundings. The transformation could not be more dramatic.
This is the case with a life transformed by God. You are new. Your desires are new, the old desires are passing, have passed away. For the Christian, the change is from darkness to light. Darkness, characterized by selfish pursuits, envy, lying, sexual promiscuity, anger, rage, drunkenness, deceit, adultery, murder, apathy, laziness, wild living, and a slew of more “mundane” flaws, equally appalling in God’s eyes, like impatience, lack of compassion, lack of generosity, lack of restraint, the craving for wealth, boastfulness, gossip, and more. These are the old things that you are dead/dying to. In reality, in Christ, we are dead to these things. It is also true that the old man tries to raise his head, and so we have to “put to death daily” those old things, as Paul suggests. For the true Christian, the desire to put those things to death, and the desire for new things, is a vibrant growing reality.
Once we are new in Christ, and walking with God, as in any good and life-giving love affair, we desire to walk in intimate fellowship with, and long to please our partner. So it is with God. If we know Him, we know of His goodness, and long, desire, enjoy doing things which please Him. He is our goal, our hunger, our pursuit. We desire the new things He has birthed in our souls. Those things look like the butterfly of the soul, or the light which has illuminated the path. These new things stand as monuments to His ability to change and grow us. We are ever increasing in our desire for and our ability to live in and enjoy this new life. The old destroys our communion and intimacy with Him, just as emotional, physical, and other forms of unfaithfulness destroys our human relationships and wrecks intimacy with those we love. For the Christian, the old is replaced by sobriety, compassion, faithfulness, joy, forgiveness, patience, self-control, selflessness, monogamy, truthfulness, repentance, a soft heart, a gentle spirit, thoughtfulness, love of purity, pursuit of righteousness, humility, peacefulness, a teachable spirit, generosity, a desire to live in community with other christians, spiritual gifts, the fruit of the spirit, and a hunger for God’s ways in general.
What is critical to understand, again, is that a proper view of Christianity sees these new pursuits and desires and works of God, as a joyous reality of living in a fresh way. They are not badges we attempt to earn or rungs on a ladder we are climbing. We have access to this new way of life because God has birthed it in us, and we want more of it because we know it brings joy to God and enhances our lives and that of others. It is truly like being fully alive for the first time. Indeed the bible says just that. “Before you were dead in sin (your old ways), now you are alive in Christ”. We must see the old patterns as death, and the new as life giving treasures. Only God can birth that new perspective in us. It is like an entirely new set of spectacles has been put upon the eyes of our souls, and for the first time, through a divine lens, we see life as it ought to be seen. Now, traveling along the freeway of life, the map is clear, and we can see the proper route which we never knew existed. We can see, for the first time, the dangers which lie off the course God has drawn. And new vistas open up to us around every turn.
Take in this new life fully. Read His words. Start with the gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John. Then go through the rest of the New Testament, and focus on Paul’s writings which clearly show the transformation of the Christian heart and how we can stay on course. Get deeply involved with a church, and a small group where you can know and be known by others. Walk closely with those who are on the same journey. Love others toward embracing the journey, but don’t celebrate their dark/old practices with them. Paul tells us clearly, “Do not neglect gathering with those who know Him and who assemble and do church together.” He also warns us of being pulled back toward those ways of living not in keeping with the new life God has birthed in us. Cherish your new life and don’t endanger it. Be wise with your time, thoughts, social settings, relationships, and focuses. As Paul tells us, the enemy of our souls ramps up the effort to distract us and to destroy us as we grow in intimacy with God. Don’t walk around in fear, but be aware there are distractions galore in our world. Appreciate, guard, and rejoice in the new life God has given you.
You are on the journey of your life, and on the road to the life you have always dreamed of. Enjoy the ride.
Bruce Smith
soulstormsite.com
optimuslife.org
Posted in Dear Bruce | No Comments »
19. September 2008 by BruceSmith.
Dear Bruce,
This is a sensitive subject for me and many others, but its one that is very important I think. I have lived with a deep pain in my life since I was a child and it has affected every relationship I have ever been in. When I was a child someone took advantage of me. Not knowing what was proper, acceptable or not, as a child, and not wanting to hurt anyone, I did not know what to do and did not tell anyone. Now, as an adult, my pain, fear, and sense of loss causes problems in my relational life with others. Even after many years in the church I am still trying to figure out what God’s plan for romance and sexuality is. I have made every mistake imaginable, and am not sure how to move forward. I wish I could really be able to understand what God’s plan looks like and I wish I could escape my pain. I would appreciate any help you could offer.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Sadly, the pain and hurt you express is experienced by far too many in our world today. Thank you for your courage in writing. First, you need to understand that God knows your pain very well. I am sure that you have felt similar feelings to those of Elie Wiesel, who in his book, Night, expressed the darkness of his soul in speaking of the atrocities of the Holocaust. He wrote, “Never will I forget that night which took my God from me”. The atrocity of which you speak, similar to that of the Holocaust, is one which is hard to comprehend, but which we must understand comes from a gross breech of humanity and morality.
In each case it is the loss of the sacred view of life which is at play. In the Holocaust life itself is deemed secular and profane and definable by humans. In the case of sexual abuse sexuality is deemed not to be sacred. Where sex is made secular, merely an act, a biological urge and nothing else, there are no boundaries. This is why our culture is becoming increasingly overtaken by sex. In removing it from the arena of the sacred we employ its wares for any whim we may have. In doing so, we lose the joy and purpose for sex which was intended by God. We use sex to sell cars, insurance, food, clothes, … you name it. Further, Hollywood has sexuality at the center of its entertainment industry. ”Sex sells” as they say. When and where sex is for sale or for the taking it loses its value. Those who use it for banal ends have lost the pleasure in it and can only lust for its urges. Ultimately, those people have become prisoners to a polluted pursuit. In the case of sexual abusers, the pollution takes over the soul and envelopes them is a terrible darkness.
Enough about the broad theological reality at play. For anyone in your situation you need to know how to move forward and experience healing in your life. I would encourage you to remember three things. First, God knows and has experienced your pain. At the cross the purest human to ever live, Jesus Christ, experienced such betrayal, loss, and violence that we could never fully imagine. A man, God in the flesh, who had given Himself for all those He walked with, was preyed upon and made a mockery of by the savages who tortured Him.
Also, I would encourage you to consider Elie Wiesel and his experience again. While initially, as a teenager, he witnessed a soul defining pain in his life that crushed his idea of God, in the end, he came to see that God had not abandoned him and others in that moment, rather, God was right there with them. Toward the end of the book Wiesel tells of a day when he and others were forced to watch as a child was tortured and hung before them. As they watched someone whispered to him, “Where is your God now?” This is the first question many ask amidst the kind of pain you have experienced. I would ask you to consider the answer to this question which is the message of Wiesel’s book and the message of our lives amidst all the pain we suffer. The answer, “God is there, with the child, hanging in the gallows with him”. God has not forgotten you. And amidst any and all mistakes you may have made in life along the way as you have sought to deal with or escape that pain which was inflicted upon you, God is ready to be your healing, help, comfort, and hope. He has been and will be there with you in all your experiences.
Lastly, I would like to offer you one practical step to deal with your pain and enlarge your future. Use your experience to meet the needs of others in our world. There are many who have lived the same nightmare, and they need someone like yourself out on the front lines calling attention to the reality of this suffering and the hope which is available in Christ. Use your pain as a catalyst for good. Any clinician will tell you, practically speaking, that one of the best ways to find healing for ourselves is to focus on the needs of others and actively pursue involvement in causes bigger than ourselves. I offer you and any other readers a link to one such story which highlights the love of a mother for her daughter who was stolen and forced into human trafficking. It is a story of pain and loss, but also a story of active love and help for a much bigger cause. The link is below:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/americas/09/17/stolen.lives/index.html
God’s grace and peace to you as you continue to heal, view all of life as sacred, and seek to impact the world as God leads you.
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
Posted in Dear Bruce | No Comments »
22. August 2008 by BruceSmith.
Dear Bruce,
I am a mess of a person. I have made many bad choices in my life and have lots of pain in my life to show for it. Because I have lived a life choosing my plan before God’s plan, I am not even sure God still has a plan for me. Is there a future worth looking forward to for someone like me? Or do I just have to accept I will live the rest of my life, because of my poor choices, in a state of mediocrity at best?
John
John,
Heartfelt questions, ones which I think all of us can closely identify with. Let me, from the start, make you keenly aware that the Gospel, the message of Jesus’ teaching, is for people like you, me and the rest. Biblically speaking, and as a practically observable reality, we have all made poor choices in our lives. Even some of the heroes of faith we often look to for inspiration have made royally poor choices. Moses-murderer. David-murderer and adulterer. Paul-murderer of Christians. The list could go on…one liar, thief, trickster, moral failure after another. That is not to say that some don’t obviously choose to live in a pattern of persistent failure. Many do, sadly. The Gospel message and the message of Jesus’ life and teaching, however, are all about bringing mercy and grace to those who have seen themselves bring pain into their lives.
Last week, on my radio show “Think Out Loud” (wgso.com) I addressed this reality as we discussed various scandals in the political arena and in public life in general. As humans, we are prone to make a mess of things. Adultery, greed, lust, violence, thievery, falsehood, anger, and so many more ills infect us. When we come to a place where we are willing to admit to ourselves, to God, and to others that we are in need of mercy and renewal, that is where the road to healing begins. Paul, who was transformed from a killer of Christians to a hero of the Church is famous for his cries to God to help him deal with the allure of sin which caused him to do all those things he wished not to do. Too often, Paul commented, he was prone to do the bad he did not want to do, and found himself too often unable to do the good which he longed to do. We are all in the same place.
The good news, it would appear, is that you have finally come to a place where you recognize that your choices are not merely choices. You seem to have admitted to yourself and perhaps to God that your missteps have been moral failings, breeches of God’s best for you. In coming to that place, and in openly acknowledging that you have failed to live up to God’s agenda for you, you can ask for and expect His mercy. He is about mercy.
My encouragement to you at this point in your life would be to take stock of the condition of your heart, ask God and others for forgiveness and healing where you have failed Him and others, and begin to make a grace-filled, concerted effort to allow God to show you where He desires to lead you for the duration of the journey. Ask Him for His help where you know you are prone to weakness, and allow Him to use your strengths to further His work in you and others.
In relationships, work, play, and in the fabric of our thought-life, hopes, and dreams, God desires to offer His good and best purposes for us. Abandon the thirst for putting Him off and open yourself to making His Plan A your Plan A. So many have brought untold difficulty into their lives as a result of expecting God to bless their agenda. Your “Plan B” can never match the good God offers in His plans, and He is not about blessing our misguided attempts to live life in a way that contradicts who He is and what He is about. Though many try, and try hard time after time, our Plan B will never bring us the fulfillment we are looking for.
Take heart. You will never be good enough to earn your way to God. You will never climb a moral ladder high enough to please Him. Its not about that. Its about a trusting relationship with the lover of your soul. You have failed and will fail again. In those times in which you do just that in the future, run back to the compelling, tangible, vivid, artistic, and life-giving demonstration of God’s love which is the cross of Christ. And, rather than making the cross into something of your own design (like so many in our culture are prone to do, abusing the image of the cross and turning it into a formula for financial success or an impotent bejeweled ornament of comfort and even sexuality for some) fall upon that image of mercy and grace and power. In the mess of our lives we all find the healing, perspective, and future we hunger for at the foot of the cross, the beautiful cross.
Find yourself in Him,
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
Posted in Dear Bruce | No Comments »
15. August 2008 by BruceSmith.
Dear Bruce,
I have been really challenged by many of your writings and the call to embrace a different sort of life. Like most people, I tend to view life from a day to day perspective and don’t really look at life in terms of doing anything particularly great. And I certainly don’t look at life in light of eternity on a regular basis.
Trouble is, for me, I get so lost in the routine and trying to stay afloat, that I just cannot see myself actually creating, let alone working toward, a strategic plan focused on a new life. I am good at business, and am fairly smart, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not living up to my potential or “calling” as you put it.
Simply put, I think I am at a point in my life where I do want something different, but I am not sure what it is or how to begin. I just sort of know that I want something more. I want to do and be something more. So, how do I get there from here?
Ed
Ed,
Great letter. Huge questions. Real life reality. Many, I believe, are right where you are. Just today I ran into a friend who had moved away for some time and has recently come back to town with his wife and kids. The guy, who has done very well in business for some time, is moving back in order to do “something different”. The adventure he and his family are just starting is an admirable one, but a very tough one. They are starting a church! As he put it, “If I were not called to do this, I am not so sure I would be altering my life like I am in order to get after it.” As I former church planter myself, I encouraged him with these words, “If you are called to it, you will be miserable not doing it. If you are not called to it…RUN FOR THE DOORS NOW!”
What is important here is to point out the significance of life altering decisions which determine how we live, who we impact, and how our lives play out. This guy and his family have no “need”, other than the need to do what they were meant to do, to be on such a journey. Business and the good life were plenty entertaining enough. However, what they have learned, and what we all learn at some point, is that ease, comfort, and passivity can only last so long. Eventually, we all stand before the proverbial mirror to our souls, and we are confronted with the stark reality that this is not all there is. There must be more. It is then that a desire to live a larger life begins to take shape. Seems like you may be at that point.
So, on to your journey. The only impulse, one which will last throughout the adventure and all its wonderful dangers, is a sense of being washed away (to keep with the Olympic water sport theme of the week) from something (your current approach to life) and to a new vision (a larger life). If we are not caught up in the tide of God’s moving, it is doubtful that the swim to a better shore will amount to much. When God is calling us to Himself and to certain visions for life, He captures us, He washes us away with the splendor of His plan for us. Ask God for that kind of sense or leading for your life. When you are so enamored with a life bigger than the one you can pull off on your own, you will feel washed away from the mundane daily sense of “So what?” and you will be swept up in the tidal wave of adventure God is calling you to. Anything less leaves you open to the possibility of running out of gas midway through the swim and calling for a life preserver as you struggle for your life in the waters of indifference.
In order to help you a bit more I am attaching a section from my book, Soul Storm (www.soulstormsite.com) which addresses this very theme. Read about the life and music of John Coltrane and allow yourself to be swept away in the drama of God’s divine plan for your life.
Enjoy the read.
Washed Away
John Coltrane was a jazz master. His accomplishments have reached beyond the realm of jazz and his recordings are studied by musicians of every stripe. If you have ever taken time to listen to his work you know what it is to be washed away, lost, for a time. “Train” or “Trane”, as he came to be known, pushed the envelope in the jazz world. Always looking for a fresh sound, an innovative creation, Coltrane was perhaps, the hinge point for change in the jazz world. His music registers on a different scale from the many jazz greats that had gone before or have come since. John Coltrane’s ability with the saxophone is legendary as is his ability to carry listeners beyond what they have known or experienced. Trane’s greatest achievement as a musician, is the highly regarded A Love Supreme. Coltrane, himself, knew almost immediately that this was what his entire musical journey was leading up to. He had come to know also, how far away he was from truly living life with passion, understanding and insight. Leading up to the creation of this work Coltrane’s story was like too many we have heard about. Fame, travel, money, the pursuit of pleasure, had all led to a life of addiction and desperation. As the winds blew over the years the storm within his soul grew in intensity. Eventually, the addictions, brokenness and strife washed over him and He made a turn, a change. Out of this change, one of the most important contemporary musical contributions on record was birthed. A Love Supreme spoke to him immediately, and has arrested hearers every since.
A Love Supreme was born over a five day period in 1964. John Coltrane had been going non-stop that year and had recently seen the birth of his first son. Taking a few weeks away from his brutal schedule and planning to spend time with wife and child, Coltrane got away from it all. He took his wife and son to their new home and planned to kick back for awhile. Then “the work” came calling. Amidst the joy and expectation of having a newborn son, John Jr., came the birth of another creation. This new birth would be the crowning achievement of his musical life and would demonstrate a new found desire to leave his old life behind in pursuit of the divine call to a higher life. His new artistic creation would be a marvelous, poetic, heart stirring jazz tribute to God. After those five days of seclusion in a separate part of the house John Coltrane came back to earth a different man. His wife knew something different had taken place. Ashley Kahn, in the introduction to his book on John Coltrane, titled after Trane’s most famous work, records Alice Coltrane’s remarks,
It was like Moses coming down from the mountain, it was so beautiful. He walked down and there was that joy, that peace in his face, tranquility. So I said, ‘Tell me everything, we didn’t see you really for four or five days…’ He said, ‘This is the first time that I have received all of the music for what I want to record, in a suit. This is the first time I have everything, everything ready.”
This work, written as a tribute to God, became a best seller as soon as it hit the stores. Its impact still reaches listeners today. Musicologists, musicians, music lovers can tell of their first encounters with this amazing work. Ashley Kahn, points to a few of the memorable recollections of first-timers,
The first time I heard A Love Supreme, it really was an assault. It could’ve been from Mars as far as I was concerned, or another galaxy. I remember the album cover and name, but the music didn’t fit into the patterns of my brain at that point. It was like someone trying to tell a monkey about spirituality or computers, you know, it just didn’t compute. (Carlos Santana)
I was at the top of the Grand Hotel in
Just as Santana, Bono, and many others have gotten washed away to another place while listening to Coltrane’s work, so we too can be carried away by the Master’s purposes.
The experience of Coltrane moving on from a life of addiction and despair toward something more birthed a musical achievement that will live on for time to come. His willingness to hear, listen, and respond to God stirring him, moving him, and offering him a better life provided all of us something of beauty we can appreciate. Had he chosen to stay where he was, living in what he had previously known, we would be without this great work. And the same is true of us. When we are brought to that “moment”, that fork in the road, that turning point, we must pursue the route that God assures us is for an enlarging of the borders of our heart. Moving on and allowing God to wash away what we formerly knew is critical to our future. Like Santana, though we may not at first see the patterns in the music, in time we can come to recognize the value of God’s plan. In the wash cycle of God’s work, we find a life clean, fresh, new, and more desirable. When the old is gone and the new has come we understand what Coltrane intended in his titling his glorious work A Love Supreme. It is the Creator’s supreme love that gives our lives direction. The supreme love of God is where we find a life worth living. In the stirrings of our lives we ought to look for the hand of God seeking to lead us to a better place. Washed away in the waters of His unending love we find ourselves carried away to new life. Displacement of the life we once knew may be the very thing we need.
Go get ‘em!
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
Posted in Dear Bruce | No Comments »
8. August 2008 by BruceSmith.
Dear Bruce,
I have been a believer now for about three years. Before I came to faith I was, I guess, the typical modern person living from experience to experience, day to day, pleasure to pleasure, moment to moment. Before I was a Christian I would just hang with my friends, go to a bar, experiment with various chemicals, “enjoy” sex, and just kinda live with a “If its what I want at the moment…I do it” sort of mindset. Over the last three years, as a believer, I have found that my guidelines for living have become “abnormal” in the eyes of all my previous friends. People tend to view me now as abnormal. I don’t like the way that feels, but I do want to live like God desire me to live. How do I make sense of this and process this mental/spiritual ordeal in a prudent way?
Is the Christian life about being abnormal? Do I always have to look like the sore thumb in every “fun” situation? What am I missing here?
Thanks for your insight,
Katie
Katie,
I love your honesty, transparency, and willingness to ask what many people deal with but never really voice. Essentially, your question gets to the core of the faith walk, its motivation, its essence, and its aim. Here is the good news: believers are the most “normal” people on earth! For most of us, we tend to lose sight of the biblical call to “normal” in light of the scriptures which encourage us as “aliens” in this world. We tend to see that the believer is called to be “different” from the rest of the world, but fail to realize that this difference takes us back to where God’s intentions began for humanity.
Let me explain.
What most of the world views as normal actually is severely abnormal, marred, broken. In a recent Newsweek article I noticed a striking example of this reality. Apparently Newsweek regularly runs a piece that is sort of a meter or gauge of cultural realities. The piece actually is nothing more than a scale, drawn out like a time-line, with one side showing a moderate rating and on the far end an excessive rating. In this particular issue the scale was evaluating the degree of moral failure in three particular current events. On the moderate end, which was merely listed as morally “tacky” was Alex Rodriguez’s “serial adultery” which has been brought out in the Yankee star’s divorce filing. On the “mid-level” scale the indicator pointed to Martin Bashir’s (a news co-anchor with one of the major network news shows) recent “caveman”-like, sexually laced comments about a certain popular female. His comments were merely a joke it seems, but deemed more offensive than serial adultery. On the severe end of moral failure, listed as a gross breech of morality and decency, and thought to be unthinkable, was a politically driven song by Ludacris which promotes Obama’s campaign. The Newsweek article, this moral scale, suggests that the most offensive form of immorality in our culture, at this moment in our national development, is anything which would bring any hint of damage to a certain politician’s campaign. In the writer’s opinion, apparently, despite the fact that Ludacris was actually promoting Obama, any hinted association between the rapper and Mr. Obama could only serve to damage rather than aid Obama’s campaign. Such an act, unwarranted promotional evil, even though it’s intention was to aid the potential President, was viewed as the “wort kind of evil” by the magazine! This is absolutely heinous and unforgivable in the eyes of the writer.
What I am getting at here is simply this; how the world views morality is not how God views morality. We are called to see what God views as normal as normal. In a world that places more value on successful political campaigns than it does marital fidelity, believers must have a much clearer view of how people are to live. No party or political platform was ever intended to, nor can it, define ultimate reality. Likewise, the general opinion of a culture is never to be our benchmark for living. Though the average moral scale may appeal to the majority to be the best way to go, we must recognize that in reality such a guideline is abnormal.
Getting back to normal, something I have written at length about, is all about understanding why we were created and how we find the greatest sense of meaning, purpose, and peace in life. That kind of life comes from an understanding of who God made us to be and how He intends for us to function. While your friends may view sexual “freedom” and partying as the way to “happiness”, you must recognize that such an approach leads you far away from a life worth living as defined by God. The proof is in the puddin, as they say. In a culture where morals have been in decline for decades, while affluence and entertainment access have been sharply on the rise, we have seen an explosion in rates of depression, addictions, psychological illness, and general human failure. More people are in counseling and rehab than ever, more relational distress exists, and personal isolation has shot up dramatically by all accounts. We are not getting happier by experiencing more pleasure it would appear. How many high profile celebs must we see destroying their lives before we get the hint. Life lived for pleasure does not end in pleasure. For many, such a life, sadly, just ends. For too many others such an approach to life actually leads to psychological, physical, relational, and moral imprisonment.
Lastly, if you want to see a vivid picture of “normal” with pristine clarity, and the kind of peace, love, and purpose it brings, simply do a study on the life of Christ. He has been called, simply, Ecce Homo “The Man”. Finding normal is found in beholding The Man. He is the definitive look at what it means to be “normal” in God’s eyes. Normal is what God intended, let’s not forget that. Anything shy of God’s desire for us is deviant, off the mark, other than normal. What we were intended to be is the norm from God’s perspective. That kind of normal leads us to the kind of life we all crave. Because we are all prone to the abnormal life of sin quests of all sorts, we wind up less than what we could be. That’s why Jesus came. He came to offer a bridge back to normal, the original intention, communion with God, and proper community with others. If you really want to find normal, study Him, apply the Ten Commandments, and embrace the Sermon on the Mount. With regard to the latter, has there ever been a more counter-cultural, “abnormal” approach to living on this planet? Yet, the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus’ great moral presentation, remains the benchmark for true living.
I can attest personally, as one who to some degree has lived an “abnormal” life as defined by society (I have had sex with one partner, my wife, and that only while married, in my lifetime, have never tried a drug of any sort, and desperately attempt to submit my life, thought, and actions to God daily) that the biblical quest for normal is the most fulfilling approach to life. I am far from perfect, and fail regularly, but my deepest drive is to be all God has called me to be. I am a single father of three, love parenting, and thoroughly enjoy my kids more than all other pursuits or activities. I refuse to embrace any romantic relationship not in keeping with God’s agenda for me, and some time ago I walked away from a job which provided a very large income for me in order to write, speak, and teach others about finding God in a world of distractions. I have been told regularly, “This is not normal”. I share these things not to promote any high view of myself, and certainly do not think I have it all together, rather, I offer these realities simply to let you know, as a guy who could be viewed as completely “abnormal” by the cultural standard of measurement, that this kind of life is more thrilling, enjoyable, and purpose-filled than I could ever explain fully. I am convinced that the pursuit of God is the quest for normal. Anything else makes me less whole. I have seen that it is the good life and it is worth pursuing.
Normal is found in Him. Embrace, enjoy, and live in that reality and watch as your life becomes more than you could ever imagine. Dare to be normal in His eyes!
Pursuing true normal,
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
Posted in Dear Bruce | No Comments »
25. July 2008 by BruceSmith.
Dear Bruce,
What does a person do when despite all efforts to do good, be a friend, sacrifice, and otherwise put someone else first, they are yet perceived incorrectly and mistreated by someone they cared about?
How do we keep “turning the other cheek” when the person we offer our cheek to seems only to enjoy slapping us around? At what point does a person stand up for what is right, and protect themselves from the abusive words or behavior of others? Is there a time to say, “Enough is enough!”?
Please, give me some help here.
Brooke
Brooke,
We are, indeed, encouraged in the scriptures to “Turn the other cheek”. We are also admonished to forgive not just seven times, but “Seventy times seven” which really means…keep doing it. We are also told to “Live at peace with everyone as much as it depends upon you.” That means, frankly, sometimes no matter how hard we try, the other guy/gal just does not want to live at peace with us. So, the trick is to find which situation you are in and act accordingly.
In some situations, after careful thought and consideration the “heaping of burning coals” approach is the way to go. That is to say, sometimes kindness will finally get that knucklehead’s attention. At other times, after repeated attempts to demonstrate your care for someone and your desire to live at peace, you just have to say, “I am done with this…you refuse to allow me to make any progress in this situation…we cannot interact like this any more. I am through until you are willing to help make things better.”
You have to be willing to be sensitive to God’s leading and truly honest with yourself as to what is going on so you can know which way to go. At times our emotions, fears, urges, and pride can drive our desire to act certain ways. Those realities can lead us to continue the fight when it should have been ended long ago.
At other times, our fears, insecurities, false humility, and emotional weakness can keep us from being as bold as we ought to be in a given situation. Sometimes a straightforward telling of the truth is the only way to go. Often this is what a person needs. While not easy at first it can help people come to terms with important issues that are affecting their lives.
I have been in both situations and have seen God do really neat things when I took His way through the ordeal. Not too long ago I stuck with a situation in which I knew I had to keep persevering and keeping taking the blows until something broke…and it finally did. A relationship was healed and a friendship was maintained. I was a little sore after the floggings, but I was a better person at the end of it for having endured the situation.
I also recently had to very forthrightly tell someone that they were way off base, totally misinterpreting a situation, and that their behavior was jeopardising our relationship, communication, and fellowship with God. I have had to do this in the context of relationships, business, ministry, and parenting. Being a confrontation-averse person by nature, its not always easy, but I always see God’s hand at work when I step up and do it His way.
So, figure out, with God’s leading, which kind of situation you are in. Be aware of what you are bringing to the situation whether good or bad. Exercise a little cheek courage where its needed or “man up” on the tough love thing a bit if that’s the play. Either way, as you step out appropriately, chances are that you and the relationship will be strengthened. After you have done all you can, and can rest before God knowing you gave it all to Him, then if the other person does not make the same progress…that’s not your responsibility.
Go get em,
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
Posted in Dear Bruce | No Comments »
11. July 2008 by BruceSmith.
Dear Bruce,
I love to read the stories you share about people who have taken big risks and find the kind of life they were looking for. I really get inspired each time I read one of those stories. What I would like to know, however, is how I can live a “big” life if I feel called to stay in my normal job, in my normal town, living my “normal” life? I do want to live the kind of life I was meant to live, as you put it, but I don’t feel like I am called to be a missionary or some other kind of “superhuman”.
What does a big life look like for people like me?
Dan
Dan,
That is a great question! Finding the life you were meant to live is not always about “superhuman” feats and impressive off the charts accomplishments. In fact, the idea of “calling” is about coming to grips with who we were created to be, and giving it our all no matter where we are in life.
Most people would not consider teachers to be superhuman figures. Yet, I would suggest to you that some of the most important “heroes” in our society are those teachers who are quietly, yet passionately, giving their all to kids day in and day out in order to set those students up for success in the future. While teachers don’t make a billion dollars like Tiger Woods (who will in fact be the first billion dollar athlete by 2010 it appears), they are central players who influence where our society will be years down the road.
Likewise, nurses, for example, do not get the admiration of doctors. Yet, without the nurses the doctors could not do what they do. Nurses have the privilege of caring for the ailing all day every day. They are the ones who are extended the honor of demonstrating ongoing care, compassion, and love during those long hours when the doctors are not around. This is a truly “big” gift.
The same is true of any profession where an individual uses his or her influence, gifts, and abilities to make a difference. The lawyer who is committed to justice, truth, and honor is making an enormous difference daily. The fireman who gives his or her life to save another is performing in heroic ways. The financial planner who is dedicated to enabling others to plan, protect, and build a better future is offering a critical function. The little league coach who is impacting young lives is performing admirably. The personal trainer who is aiding others in building their bodies and health is playing a vital role. The home builder, electrician, policeman, engineer, …and so many more who may not make the headlines each day, are central to the functioning of all of our lives.
The life we were meant to live is not so much a matter of having a sexy job description, its about offering our selves right where we are to God in order that He might use us to impact the lives of others. The stay at home mom who gives herself daily to the nurturing and care of her children is providing an environment for those kids to flourish for life. The single dad who gives himself to the care of his children is leaving a legacy for his children. The grandparent who instills a deep sense of faith, love, and constancy in his or her grandkids is to be championed.
As inspiring as Bruce Olson’s story is, God is not calling all of us to go to a foreign country to live in a hut. Yet, He is calling each of us to give ourselves totally to Him wherever we may be at this moment. Each time we demonstrate grace where we could strike out for revenge we demonstrate the life we were meant to live. Each time we make an effort to encourage another who may be struggling we live the life we were meant to live. Each time we seek to bring healing to a relationship that is faltering…each time we help keep another person on track…each time we choose purity and faithfulness…each time we earnestly pray…each time we submit our affections, desires, and longings to God…each time we commit to our marriages…each time, we live the life He has called us to live.
Essentially, finding the life we were meant to live begins with who we are. If we are the kind of person God is calling us to be internally we are well on our way to experiencing all that He has called us to. In fact, there are far too many people who appear outwardly to be living “big” lives, and are dying on the inside. Our quest, first, is to know Him and to walk in His ways. Then, as we open ourselves to His direction, He can guide us on the expeditions He has for us.
Begin your journey to a big life by giving each moment you have to Him, fully and without reservation. Each interaction, each thought, each pursuit, each act, … As you make this kind of living an expression of who you are you will, in fact, find your life to be increasingly meaningful. The “big” life is about knowing a big God who offers you the privilege of experiencing Him fully in every moment.
Make a life where you are, and be open to His leading. We never know what is ahead, but the journey is better left in His hands.
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
Posted in Dear Bruce | No Comments »
27. June 2008 by BruceSmith.
Dear Bruce,
My life feels out of control. It seems like no matter what I do I am not making any progress. My relationships, my work, …nothing seems to be where I want it. I have always admired those who seemed to have their lives in order, and I have always tried to be one of those people. I just cannot seem to get there.
You often write about living life to the full and finding the life you were meant to live, and I want that. I just am not sure I can make that happen. How do I live the kind of life I want? How do I get things under control? How do I make progress?
Everyone around me thinks I must have a great life. I grew up in a wealthy family, went to great schools, drive a fancy car, …but really, I know deep inside that my life is very much out of alignment. My job, which “looks good” on the outside, provides no joy for me, and I continually question what the point it. Is it enough just to make a good living while I waste away emotionally and relationally?
Any insight you could give would be much appreciated.
Thanks,
Maria
Maria,
Thanks for your heartfelt question, openness and honesty. In our society there are not many who are willing, sadly, to actually look beyond the exterior to find answers to the questions you raise. Too often we make the assumption of others, “If it looks so good on the outside, it must really be good.” As you have pointed out, this is not the case. Further, we often buy into the falsehood that the best we can hope to do is to keep up with or surpass the Jones’. The good news is that life is more than that, it can be so much more than that. It’s not a simple equation, but I hope I can shed some light and hope on your situation.
First, let me encourage you to continue asking the questions and to remain honest with yourself and others about where you are. The more you evaluate and wrestle with this the more likely you are to get where you are meant to be…and sooner. Keep at it!
For starters, I would like to encourage you to remember (and you seem aware of this) that your worth depends not upon the size of your bank account, your professional title, or your family name. All of that is tinsel at best, and can be gone in a moment. Just as in the game of Monopoly, when the game of life is over, it all goes back in the box. When you come to that moment when your last breath is upon you, it will be clear that you cannot take any of the toys with you and the only thing that matters it the legacy you leave behind. That legacy is not the stuff you leave, rather, it is the person you were and the lives you touched, those you bettered.
Let me also encourage you to remember that the sense of “control” is an illusion. While at times we look at others and think, “They really have it together.”, in reality, none of us actually has mastery over our lives. Even the most hard charging, organized, successful, and focused of people do not have it all figured out. In fact, as many studies and as practical life demonstrates, a large number of super-focused people are quite insecure and are attempting to charge through life in an attempt to validate themselves in the eyes of someone else. Such an approach leads to extreme forms of emotional fragility, and often leads to very tumultuous relationships. The appearance of control is often a mirage. Many at the top of the “ladder” are very lonely, hardened, and calloused people. Many who have climbed their way up, though having vaults full of money and garages overflowing with toys, are bankrupt of soul.
Also, control, in the ultimate sense is not at all in our hands. Who among us can control whether or not we are stricken with cancer? There are many tales of those who lived right, ate right, and exercised right, and yet, came down with a terminal case. Bad things happen, even to good people. Likewise, super-hero or not, all among us, regardless of success, are a heartbeat or breath away from death. Tim Russert, the well respected journalist, is a case in point. It can happen in an instant. Our jobs, cars, homes, families, and bank accounts are no match for Death. When he comes we find ourselves incapable of withstanding the blow.
Now let’s get practical, and a bit theological. The sense of “control” you speak about, I believe, is more a quest to find “what” you are supposed to be about. For those who do not find their compass in God’s call for them, there always remains a sense that something is out of place, missing. So, I would suggest to you that you be aware that it is a “place” you are looking for and not control over life as you are now living it. As I have said many times, and as Augustine penned many years ago, we will never find that place until we find ourselves in Him. Augustine suggested, “We shall find no rest until our hearts rest in thee, O God.”
In coming to God as we are and in offering Him the controls of our lives we find our purpose and place. When we allow Him to define the particulars in our lives, who we love, how we love, the work we do, the things we aspire to, …life seems to make sense. Life never feels as if we have it all figured out, and we certainly never get to a place where we have it all under our control. In coming to God for our place, we come to see that control is in His hands. His control may take us through many a tumultuous season for a bigger purpose, in fact. His control is for the good of the world, not our cravings. And His control is above and beyond our planning abilities. His control redefines how we view life, and how we view ourselves.
Control, as you speak of it, is a spiritual reality in God’s economy. There are indeed things we can do to be responsible, to move ahead, and to forge a more deliberate life. Yet, if these things are pursued apart from our place in Him, we will remain uneasy. As many a headline has revealed, all the accolades, power, position, and riches in the world cannot replace what we find only in a relationship with God, through Jesus Christ.
Find your place in Him, and allow Him to direct the remainder of your days. He may bring you to a new career, a new strategy for relating to others, new patterns of behavior, or any number of new things. What you can be assured of is that He who makes all things new can and will birth a new hope in you for the future. He may bring you to increasing levels of professional focus, or He may pull you out of your current environment all together. He may bring you to ever increasing riches or He may lead you to a place of lesser means. He may keep you where you are or He may take you to a new land. Many a great story and triumph have begun where an individual traded personal “trophies” and personal comfort for a divine adventure. Wherever the compass may point, the important thing is not your control over the details, but His place in your heart. From that place all direction and ultimate purpose come forth.
You are asking for greater control, but I humbly submit that what you are craving is a more sure sense of place. That place we all crave is actually a person, Jesus Christ. This was the reality that C.S. Lewis came to embrace as God was calling Lewis to Himself. He wrote, “I thought I was coming to a place (religion, moral insight), but what I found is that I was coming to a person.”
God is in control. We are not. He is the place our hearts long for. Start there, and the journey begins.
Bruce Smith
optimuslife.org
Posted in Dear Bruce | No Comments »